Sad Day

I had a hard day today...
I had to sit in a courtroom, next to the man I stood next to overlooking Jackson Lake 10 years ago and pledged my love and devotion to for the rest of my living days, and talk about what papers needed to be completed in order for us to end our marriage. Before I went into the courtroom, I sat on a bench (with another strange guy on the other end) and sobbed uncontrollably.
I hate him and what he has done to us. I am having a hard time understanding how he could not have even tried to work on our marriage. I didn't even know it was bad a little over a year ago and now it will be over on July 23rd.
Are the pants really with me today??? I am keeping hope that their mysterious power will reveal itself to me before I have to send them on.

Holy Cow...the Pants are Magical!

OK...I just had to say that these Pants rock. I have no new magic to report other than just the feeling I get thinking of you guys and how awesome it has been to reconnect this past year. It was about a year ago that Court, Shelby and I had lunch at Georges, an awesome spa day and dinner at Jakes (and wishing Miss could have been there!)...planning Court's wedding and catching up, and just look at us now. You all mean the world to me! OK, I know it sounds so darn cheesy but every word of it is true. Court and I are bound to get together soon, seeing as though we spent the past 2 weekends 5 miles apart (1 in San Diego and the other in LA)! Got great news at the MD yesterday, I actually saw an MD who didn't get his degree from the University of the Bahamas and he basically gave me a clean bill of health. Without getting all graphic, there is a very straight forward rationale for my "breast issues" and nothing that should raise a red flag. So, thanks for sending all of your positive energy my way and for all of the prayers, I don't know where I'd be without friends like you ;) Hey, when are we getting together next?!?!??

Serenity and the Pants

Hello friends!
I have had the pants for a few days now and I must say...I am certain that their magic is with me...no doubt in my mind! I cannot tell you all how strong, happy, beautiful and alive I feel at times these days. That is not to say that I don't have moments that are pretty low, but those are fewer and farther between and I am able to pull myself out of it with a phone call or sitting quiet and thinking about how lucky I am that Bryan turned out to really be a jackass.
The thing I am so proud of myself about is that the way I feel is independent of ANY man and what they think about me. I have truly learned to love myself more this year. I really believe that I don't NEED anyone to be ok.
Funny how you THINK you know and understand that, but until I went through what I went through, I am not sure that is really what I believed. I know now that I looked to Bryan to bring me happiness. I really understand now that I am the sole one responsible for my happiness. I wonder now...are two people at 19 years old really able to do that? To accept each other exactly how they are, with few expectations??? And even so, there is so much change and growth to be done, how do people manage to grow together? Guess I hit on why the divorce rate is so high? The stage we are in at that age is all about trying to figure out who you are apart from your parents. I guess we looked to each other to fill in the gaps and in turn, never truly figured out who we were. Might be an over simplistic look at what happened?
I am trying not to look to Bryan anymore for all of the blame. His role in this was not being honest about his feelings. My role was allowing myself to not get my needs met. Just being "ok" with his inability to make me a priority in his life. Hmmmmmm....
Now onto the good stuff...Scott surprises me everyday with his kindness, gentleness, thoughtfulness, (sexiness!), and overall ability to see me for who I am. He loves who I am! Having said that, I am well aware that once the "real" us comes out at some point, perhaps we will come to realize that we are not meant to be. That this relationship was meant to get both of us through hard times in our lives. But what a lesson I am learning from him! When I am with him, my mind is completely clear. I feel centered like I don't think I ever have before. Ok...this is cheese...but you know that saying about "life is not about moments, but the moments that take your breath away"??? My breath is taken away about daily with just something he says to me in all his sincerity. I don't like to compare, but I am not sure Bryan ever really took my breath away. Sad, huh?
I hope you are all happy, content, peaceful, loved and are remembering to laugh. I cannot tell you all enough how much you mean to me.

On to round two!

Well, gals...as I write, the pants are in the mail and on their way to Shelby. I didn't have as eventful of a last night with the pants as Liz, but it's been a really good month overall. I confess that I don't wear the pants as often as others may (since they are a tad short and thus, limit my outfit options), but I'm convinced that their mere presence and the bond of friendship is what makes them "magical".

I am also aware that being the holder of the pants and having a certain expectation that "good things will happen" has allowed me to approach each moment in life with tremendous openness and appreciation. Every time something good has happened in the past month (e.g., receiving a box of See's candies from a student in my class and a touching "thank you" email from an old client I worked with 7 years ago; finally winning a game of tennis against Jesùs; and having an "Orlando Bloom" sighting during my funfilled evening in L.A. with my sister, Ashton), I've attributed it to the "magic" of the pants. While I certainly don't discount the "magic" of the pants, I believe that "magical" things happen all the time - it's just a matter of really "seeing" them. From the simple things like taking walks on the beach or to Cold Stone with Jesùs to celebrating my new role as an expected aunt to having GREAT talks and sharing laughs with friends - each moment feels "magical" to me now.

It reminds me of that wonderful old story that we've all heard before (at least some version of it). I found this version from this random website: http://www.fairding.com/jokes.shtml.

A man fell overboard from his little boat and was thrashing around in the water when another boat pulled up.
"Jump in," shouted the boater. "We'll save you."
"No", cried the drowning man, "God will save me."
The scene was repeated twice more, before a helicopter finally arrived and hovered over him. Once again, the man refused help on the same grounds ... God would save him.
The man finally drowned and as he crossed the Pearly Gates he gazed into God's eyes with obvious confusion.
"I placed my faith in you and you let me drown," he complained.
"Let you drown?", exclaimed God. "I sent three boats and a helicopter."

Well, with the second round approaching - with or without the pants, I hope to continue to see the "magic", live in the moment, be open and take risks, and appreciate the simple things in life. It's so easy to loose sight especially during hard times, so while this sounds like a motivational speech, it's intended to be a reminder to me about what's important.

Take care and until next time...xo

Is there anyone out there?

Hey gals
Anyone a Duran Duran fan? Of course you are...who am I kidding? Well, everytime I think of the phrase "is there anyone out there", I immediately begin singing the Duran Duran tune. So, things are starting to settle down a bit over here, although chaos still surrounds us here. All fun stuff of course, but big decisions about paint color, carpet color, hardwood floor color-you know the REALLY important stuff in life. So I keep checking this old blog to get an update & noticed that it has been a bit quiet around here so I thought I'd post a little "hello" since I have not been so good about actually talking to you gals over the phone. Of course that doesn't mean I haven't been thinking about all of you.
Well-hope all is calm on the West side. Talk to you soon. Hope the magic of the pants is still in full force. I can't believe we are about to embark on round 2 of the cycle-my how time flies. Until next time.... Miss

Thought for the day...

I know there is a lot happening in everyone's lives and I just thought I would send a little reminder from an email I received today:

Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us. Let's think about what God HAS blessed us with , and what we are doing each day to promote ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally.

I think that sums it up. Take care.

A thought about Sisterhood

As I was reading Court's post & adding a comment to it, I made a reference, as I do often to you gals to "sister" (ie. keep on posting sister.....I hear you loud & clear sister, etc, etc.) Well, as I started thinking about Sisterhood, I recalled a time many years ago when Court & I were living together on Draper Ave. that we had a "sister fund". For some reason, whenever we went places, people always asked us if we were sisters. Not that we could see any resemblance, but we figured our sweet personalities and energy perhaps led others to believe we were sisters. So we would put $1 in a jar & then when it added up we cashed in on it & enjoyed being "sisters" (not that I recall exactly how the money was spent but I am guessing dinner, a spa day or something fun like that-is it bad that I forget that part?). At any rate, the point I am trying to make is that growing up I always wished I had a sister. I loved my brothers of course (and still do) but I always wondered what it would be like to have the bond that sisters share. My 2 cousins who also had no sisters became like sisters to me as I was growing up & still are to this day. But I must add that Court, Liz & Shelby-you have shown that we can have this "sisterhood" bond without the genetics to back us. It also occurred to me that Court is the only one of us that acutally has sisters-interesting that it never occurred to me before. So, in a nutshell-Long Live the Sisterhood. Glad you gals are in my life.

PS. The move went well but I am antsy now & am really wanting everything to be done now! I must be patient I know. I have big plans for the weekend-painting painting painting so I can get those new hardwood floors ASAP. Yeeha. Perhaps I should post some picts of the new place-if only I can locate my camera.....

Jesus has blessed the pants

Hello my dear friends!
This is a note from your very technologically challenged friend and current "holder" of the pants. Please don't fall over in shock. I finally figured out my username and password and overcame my fear of venturing out into the cyberspace world...thanks to encouragement from Liz, who by the way, better be signing up for her Pilates class right about now. :)

So, as the holder of the pants, I feel a tremendous amount of responsibility to report on the happenings in my life! I received the pants a week ago today and of course, immediately tried them on to ensure that they still fit me. Those days at the gym must be paying off, because they fit perfectly! Still a bit short, but nothing that a little rolling up and sandal action can't fix. So, after I tried them on, my dear husband (who, like the other husbands in the group, has been skeptical about the magic of the pants) tried them on himself! And would you believe???? They slid up over his thighs and onto his hips - I was laughing so hard, I almost peed in my pants!! I thought, "They really are magical!!!" Well, he couldn't fasten the top button, so he hasn't been indoctrinated into the club, but he did "bless" the pants!!!!

So, onto the magical moments I've experienced so far:
1) The Padres won on Saturday night (it was the only game they won in that series against the Dodgers and of course, I was at that game spreading the magic)
2) Yesterday, I saw a huge pod of dolphins as I was having a glass of wine on our deck. It was the most I'd ever seen at one time. There were SO many of them - feeding off the kelp, playing in the ocean, and riding the waves.
3) I also spotted a seal from our deck. It was the first time I'd seen a seal playing in the ocean right off our private little beach.

And of course there have also been an increase in those "GREAT" parking spot moments, increased motivation and brain power as I study for my big exam, and an overall increased appreciation for the simple things in life and awareness of the power of GIRLFRIENDS! I love having the pants and the sense of connection I feel to each of you.

Until the next time...
CourtC

I'm officially a member of "the club"

So, I went today for my first Mammogram, and afterwards the tech shook my hand and said, "Welcome to the club." Didn't realize there was an "I've had a mammogram" club, anyone else out there a member?!?!? Wasn't as bad as I thought it would be and the preliminary results are looking positive. My blood work came back all jacked up though, so I had some labs re-done this afternoon and will get more results Friday. Grrrrr... looking forward to this all being over :) That's all for now, was thinking about who is going to play me in Divas in Denim movie, what do you all think about Sarah Jessica Parker? Lucky Pants Liz...Out