Is Shopping a Stage of Grief?

Ok, Shelby, so you're using the blog for healing...I'll let a little out today as well.

Every since we lost Chloe, I know I went through several of the grieving stages, but I haven't seen the shopping-til-you-drop stage on any grieving list. I think this has been the most therapeutic of all. Red leather chair, great pairs of shoes, jewelry, jewelry, wine, and more wine... Psychologists, what do you think?

But here's what made me think of this:

Driving back from SD this weekend, we stopped in beautiful, wind-blown Chugwater. Carter yells, "Mom, mom!" across the gas station. "Can we get this?" He's holding a magnet in each hand with Chloe on it. Goodness, tears can come fast.

I have such mixed emotions about this. On the one hand, I am so thankful that he thinks about his little sis, but another part...the denial part, just wants to move on without mention of the "event."

We got in the car and he continued, "Mom, if I die, I know at least I'll have my sister to play with. Isn't that great?" Goodness, life can smack you hard at times.

What would the "pants" have to say about this? Lucky to have such a precious son? Lucky to be feeling emotions because it means I'm alive? It's time to quit skipping my depression meds? Or...does this call for another shopping spree? Anyone up for shopping? Ya'know Denver has good shopping, ladies.

What I do know is that grief, regardless what kind of loss it is, is painful and I agree, Shelby, it is amazing how we do travel through the same stages. I guess it's like the pants: sharing experiences, some different, some new, but all just trying to live. Thanks, girls, for being you, sharing your thoughts and emotions. We are all better because of it.

More Deep Thoughts From the Keeper of the Pants

I keep checking everyday for a new "blog" (I love that word!) and since no one else is writing, I guess I will have to. This has become my healing journal for all the world to see!
I was thinking today about grieving. How strange it is that everyone who grieves the loss of anything seems to go through very predictable stages (even if not in a predictable order or common resolution...I think some people get "stuck")...shock/denial, depression, bargaining, acceptance. Does anyone else find that amazing??? I have always learned about the stages in school, but I don't think I had the life experience to consider how profound this all is.
It is a human experience that everyone shares, as we have, or will, all grieve. Without even really knowing "how" to do it, our souls seem to transform themselves through this process and we are never the same. Nobody teaches us how to go through this process, so how is it that we all just seem to do it? Human beings are amazing that way. We all seem to have this desire and drive to pursue happiness. (Did anyone see that movie??? Great thoughts about our founding fathers and their choice of the word "pursuit". I guess it implies we are always striving for happiness, but may never fully achieve it??? Or maybe it is human nature to keep pursuing growth through love and connection with others???).
I suddenly find myself in this new "stage" of possibilities. I am certain it has everything to do with the pants (which really has become a medifore for something else...something bigger and intangible). I don't spend my time thinking about how to "fix" my marriage anymore, rather, what do I want to do with my life and how do I want to be in the world? So much possibility can come from pain.
So I continue my own little "pursuit of happiness" and wonder where I will end up. And all along, I carry my mother with me. It really is true that those we love never truly leave us. They really are a part of us forever. She has become a silent force that guides me.
I hope in the near future I have something more amusing to share with you, my friends! The adventure in the pants continues...
P.S. Where are my other bloggers??? I know Court is off to Vegas again tomorrow! Maybe she will be lucky enough to run into McDreamy???

Perspective Is a Good Thing

I just have to say out loud in front of everyone...

Michele Davis rocks!

She gave me a healthy dose of perspective last night and it made all the difference. I realize this morning I am a kind, beautiful, smart, sexy and desirable woman and anyone would be lucky to hang out with me!

Various Photos of Hot Women!

McDreamy or McDuddy??? And Does it Matter?

Ok...so I am starting to think the magic of the pants is more mysterious than I previously realized. I am thinking they provide you with what you need, but sometimes it takes awhile for the "what you need" to be revealed to you. Why do I say that? Well, McDreamy doesn't seem too interested in me, which could initially seem to be a bummer, but nonetheless, I think the pants know what is suppose to happen for me and perhaps McDreamy isn't in the cards...or at least not right now. I am letting go of that to the universe and to the pants.
I texted him a few times this week and he does respond quickly, but never any initiation on his part. I am officially done initiating unless he does a little himself. If I learned nothing else from my previous relationship, I did learn that I need to stop working so hard. When I work so hard, it makes it so the other party doesn't have to do anything. Is this the lesson the pants are trying to tell me? I think...maybe.
If I look deeper at myself, I think it has, in the past, been a reflection of how I feel about myself. I try to maintain all control in relationships, not allowing others to do for me, maybe because I didn't deep down feel like I deserved it. Also, if you attempt to keep all control, you are really rescuing people and not allowing them to contribute to the relationship and get that kind of pleasure and intimacy out of the relationship. Does that make sense? Really, I think the more I tried to control things, the more I could keep people at an arms length and not experience true intimacy. I don't think I learned how to really be intimate growing up.
Ok...deep (rambling) thoughts with Shelby. Any feedback from my therapist friends???

Pack your Pants...Take Manhattan

Ok girls...so it is a bitterly cold day here in Jersey & I decide to take a ride to Target to fulifll the weekly need to buy unnecessary items. I am walking down the aisles chatting with my mom about how excited we were to find these magic jeans. She is sharing in our excitement (which is fun since some of the people I have been sharing this with apparently don't see the beauty in it. Of course it helps that my mom just read the book this past summer. ) At any rate, I pass the book section that has a HUGE display of Forever in Blue-the 4th in the series of our Traveling Pants books. Honestly, I didn't even know there was a 4th one until Liz filled me in while we were in Vegas. I was so excited because I have been sucked into these books much like I was to the Judy Blume & Beverly Cleary books of my childhood. Of course, I throw the book into my cart & proceed to the checkout, with a large smile on my face. The thought alone of the 4 of us finding these jeans & looking forward to the journeys ahead for us is so heartwarming. I always tell people that when I first thought about moving to San Diego, I had every intention of going to school & moving right back to NJ and perhaps meeting 1 or 2 people to get along with, but I was certainly not intending to meet true friends. Boy what a pleasant surprise...10 years later in San Diego, with 3 of the best girlfriends one could hope for was surely an uplifting experience for me. Despite the fact that we are now scattered in different states, our bond remains.

So....I get home & see a sticker on the book that says Pack your Pants-Take Manhattan. Visit www.sisterhoodcentral.com to enter the Sisterhood and the City contest. So of course I go to the website and read about the contest. If we come up with 250 words that explain "how will you & your friends remain close even as everyone faces her own experiences?" the 4 of us can go to NYC for the weekend (airfare & hotel included of course-I can drive there, but that is beside the point right now), we can meet the author & we will get a jeans shopping spree. Entries are due by March 12. I must add that all over the website there are numerous references to having a parent/guardian accompany those that are under 18...and the entries go to Random House Children's books. Hmmm are we too old to be reading these books? I think not. I think this story can relate to any aged women who have a strong connection, but it was an interesting discovery nonetheless. So if anyone thinks we should enter this contest, we need to get the creative juices flowing. I'd love to have you gals come East ! Of course we don't need no stinking contest for you gals to come East.....

Signing off for now....until next time. By the way, I wish I had a snazzy name like Lucky Pants Liz....oh well, she wins the prize for creativity. Perhaps she should draft our entry?

The Pants really ARE magic!

So it's Sunday night in Vegas, Court and I decided to stay an extra night to avoid traffic home. Missy's flight doesn't leave until 10:00pm and everyone else is packed and off to the airport mid-afternoon. So...off to the casino. Over the weekend, we played "our numbers" which hit time and time again...slots were fruitful too, Missy took 1 pull of a penny slot and won $125 off the bat, Court followed with similar results. So we figured, we have the magic of the pants on our side now, we're going home rich! Well, we soon realized that, much to our dismay, that the magic had left the building. We lost, over and over again. Now in Vegas, there are winning times and losing times, but this was all too coincidental. Shelby had left the building, and so had the pants and once we realized that, we headed back up to our room. We didn't go home rich with money, but with a weekend rich with memories. It couldn't have been better...9 girls in Vegas, none with an agenda other than to be with each other and celebrate our friend Shelby. I hear about people who have these wonderful Vegas experiences, but I usually come home with smoke filled clothes and lighter pockets. Not this time, when I got home I realized that I didn't even remember the casinos feeling smoky or feeling "done" with Vegas, I just had an overwhelming feeling of happiness that I spent the weekend in the presence of such great girlfriends. Whether the pants have magic, or it is simply the magic of girlfriend power, it doesn't matter to me...I'm just looking forward to seeing what comes our way next!

It's Raining Men or We Don't Need No Stinkin Men!

Ahh...the pants! Even if I sit around my house for the next month staring at my beautiful red walls and wondering if "this is all there is???", the pants have already provided me with more inspiration and hope for a new (and improved) life than I could ever imagine!
Day 1: After putting on the pants in a restroom at an outdoor bar (after a very large frozen cocktail, mind you) the magic instantly started. Even by the time I returned to my bar stool, my friends informed me that we had been approached with free passes to one of the best clubs in town. Hum...strange...maybe there really is something to this magic of the pants. I am still skeptical. After all, how many woman are approached in Vegas with free passes to clubs??? Then another attractive man approaches us...more passes to another nightclub. Ok...maybe this isn't just a coincidence. I decide to take a leap of faith and become a believer.
The rest of the afternoon just kept getting better. More looks from cute men and even an intense locking eye stare with a hot Australian in a pink cowgirl hat an boa (I love a man who isn't afraid to express his feminine side!). And just a general feeling of college spring break was in the air and it has been a long time since any of us have experienced that! All because of the pants???
My mood continued to rise, as we primped for the night (I forgot how much fun primping and anticipating a night out can be with a bunch of girls...nothing like it!). Meliss introduced me to my first Beyonce song...Irreplaceable, which quickly became my anthem for female strength. "To the left. To the left. Everything you own in a box to the left." If Beyonce can survive, so can I! (Granted, she does have a lot more money, a more smokin bod, the face of a goddess and an amazing voice, but I am not letting that get me down.)
Then...hilarious cab ride, with Anika doing with she does best! Up the elevator, down the hall, and there is McDreamy! I know Meliss said Joey's older brother was cute, but that had to be the understatement of the year. Thanks to Michele for doing what she does best (being a mother) and making sure I get to sit by the handsome man. I guess you all know the rest, because I cannot stop talking about my amazing night! The pants couldn't have introduced me to a sweeter, kinder, better guy (who, by the way, is ALSO a great dancer, singer, and just downright wonderful!).
So what have I learned from the pants thus far this month...
I think the pants sent me about a million signs that night (maybe with my mother's help, since that is what I asked her to do the day she died???) The most obvious one (if I hadn't noticed all of the more subtle attempts) was the man standing alone in that beautiful Venetian rotunda with frescos painted throughout and covering the ceiling (Ala Michelangelo). I had just had an amazing and passionate goodnight kiss and was floating back to my room. It was as if he was waiting for me. He asks "did you fall in love tonight?" And without missing a beat, I replied, "maybe a little." Maybe I decided that night to love myself a little more???
Other signs that life goes on. Signs that I deserve to find love again (whether is be with McDreamy or some other great guy remains to be seen). but more importantly, the pants showed me who I really am...deep down to my core. Despite what has happened to me, I still am the eternal optimist I have always been. I have never been a victim and I never will be. I still believe in love in the world. Love between a man and a woman that perhaps I have never known. But also, all I have learned this year about the love between true friends. It may sound cheesy, but like the Grinch, I think my heart has grown three sizes this year because of all of you. And that can't change. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks.

A Birthday Wish for Shelby

What started as a soul-searching weekend in San Diego attending a conference, soon became a girls weekend in Vegas. I asked Shelby if she had found out more information on what we were to learn at our conference and she said that we needed to stay in separate hotels to do some reflection...

"We can handle not talking, right?"

Well...I knew I could, but gosh, if I wanted to take a trip, I wanted to gab, have a few drinks, and really enjoy myself. "So, Shelby, what if we went somewhere else? I've already budgeted the money for January."

"January?! The conference is in February. But, my birthday is in January."

"How does Vegas sound for your birthday? A new start...a focus on you and seeing who you are: beautiful, fun-loving, and certainly loved."

Friends from California, Washington, New Jersey, and even from her home-state Colorado, 9 girls ventured to Vegas to celebrate in style. And, we certainly did: instant friends, gabbing about clothes, kids, and lives, we donned our going-out clothes and hit the town. Tao and Thunder Down Under was a Friday not to forget.

Saturday came and we found the Forum shops, blended drinks under heat lamps outside Caesars Palace, but the most memorable moment came when Shelby received a call from Liz, Courtney, & Missy saying they had found the traveling sisterhood pants. Each different heights: 5'9, 5'6, 5'4, & 5'2---they all could wear the EXACT same pair of pants. And...what came with the pants were magic....Shelby, happy birthday our sweet friend and thank you for sharing it with us!

We decided to log the events, whether crazy wonderful or seemingly uneventful, the girls would log their entries so we could hear of the denim destiny. Shelby, start us out and tell the beginning of your journey...with the pants!