I Am Still Here...

Ladies,

I have tried to write several times during the past few weeks and the words wouldn't come. I have been in a "weird" place. The anniversary of my mom's death is on April 6 and it seems like ever since March 9 (the anniversary of finding out about Bryan's affair), I have been having a lot of stuff come up from last year. I think this is normal. I keep trying to move forward...

Here are a few surprising things in my life. I feel a little confused and anxious at times, because Scott, my "you light up the room" guy has started to touch my heart in a way that I do not want right now nor did I expect. He says things to me that take my breath away sometimes, because they are so heartfelt and real. He really seems to see and appreciate my "light". He told me last night that he is attracted to me because of the way I "analyze everything". Seriously! Bryan hated that about me. I have done my best to keep all emotion out of this thing, but I guess it is starting to creep in. Damn! I am doing my best to stay "in the moment" and enjoy spending time with him and realizing that he might be in my life simply to help me get through this divorce. Who knows??? I do ok until I start to try to analyze it and worry about what might come. I had said from the beginning that he is "not my type" and that I don't feel any "attraction" to him, so the fact that I want to just be with him and have him hold me for hours kind of freaks me out. Besides, the sex is pretty damn steamy! I just don't want this to end badly, but I can express that to him and he says he believes it would never end badly, because we "get" each other and are being honest. It just feels so good to have someone say out loud that I am "incredible" and really mean it. Any thoughts???