Ok...so I am starting to think the magic of the pants is more mysterious than I previously realized. I am thinking they provide you with what you need, but sometimes it takes awhile for the "what you need" to be revealed to you. Why do I say that? Well, McDreamy doesn't seem too interested in me, which could initially seem to be a bummer, but nonetheless, I think the pants know what is suppose to happen for me and perhaps McDreamy isn't in the cards...or at least not right now. I am letting go of that to the universe and to the pants.
I texted him a few times this week and he does respond quickly, but never any initiation on his part. I am officially done initiating unless he does a little himself. If I learned nothing else from my previous relationship, I did learn that I need to stop working so hard. When I work so hard, it makes it so the other party doesn't have to do anything. Is this the lesson the pants are trying to tell me? I think...maybe.
If I look deeper at myself, I think it has, in the past, been a reflection of how I feel about myself. I try to maintain all control in relationships, not allowing others to do for me, maybe because I didn't deep down feel like I deserved it. Also, if you attempt to keep all control, you are really rescuing people and not allowing them to contribute to the relationship and get that kind of pleasure and intimacy out of the relationship. Does that make sense? Really, I think the more I tried to control things, the more I could keep people at an arms length and not experience true intimacy. I don't think I learned how to really be intimate growing up.
Ok...deep (rambling) thoughts with Shelby. Any feedback from my therapist friends???
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