Divas in Denim (Life in the Traveling Pants)

I am sad to say I am officially out!

2008-03-03T17:34:00.002-07:00

Gals
I have made the executive decision to bail out of gals weekend in Denver, even though I need it emotionally more than you know! Physically, just not a smart move for me at this stage of the game. I am really bummed out (really really really) but have to listen to my aching body right now. Please know that I am there in spirit & have a few cocktails for me. Have a few laughs picturing me in my sling, with a big belly, braces & glasses on, with wet, un-done hair & crazy comfy clothes on- a beautiful sight - hee hee. Perhaps I should post such a beautiful shot?
Talk to you all soon.....
Miss

Can a girl get a break already?

2008-02-24T11:17:00.004-07:00

So...if being 7 months pregnant with a 3 year old at home & a husband who was away for 10days on a surf trip isn't enough for someone to handle, try managing a chipped bone in the shoulder, arm in a sling for 6 weeks. I swear at times I think I am going to lose my mind & need to check into the nearest psych ward! Things are getting better day by day- it has been 2weeks since the "fall", but I am entering the really annoyed phase of this recovery. It is really tough to do everyday things & the pain comes & goes. I have serious cabin fever this weekend...but will be leaving the house shortly with Bri & Emily to do a few errands. Who knew going to buy paper towels & shampoo would be the highlight of my Sunday?? I haven't driven in 2weeks & it is really bizarre to have that freedom stripped away. Doc appt this week to see how things are ptogresiing with shoulder & with baby so hopefully all is ok.

Girls weekend is still tentative at this point, but I will do my best to see if I can swing it- at times it seems an overwhelming task to be traveling, but then again i know i will be in good hands when i get there- stay tuned....

1 month and counting

2008-02-12T17:36:00.000-07:00

We're closing in on our girl's weekend, can't wait to see you all!

Do I Have a Sign On Me That Says "Crazy Bitches: Please Hassle Me!"

2008-01-30T09:38:00.001-07:00

What is it about me and crazy people wanting to harass me through text messages? As you may recall, Scott's soon-to-be ex got her kicks that way and now, one of a mom of one of Aiden's friends is sending me harassing messages. When will my life stop feeling like a soap opera? Basically, there is this slimy, slutty mom who totally befriended me when I was going through everything. Then she stops calling and I find out that she is spending all sorts of time going to dinner, lunch, ice skating, etc. with Bryan and my children. I find this out because my own kid is telling me how much he "loves Janie" and that she is "dad's girlfriend". I am upset by this on many levels. One: it touches my betrayal buttons. Even though she wasn't really the type of person I wanted to be friends with, the thought of being the "last to know" again and being humiliated is more than I can stand, two: it touches on that place deep inside me that, despite how much I don't want Bryan back, why wasn't I good enough? third: it hurts to have your own child talking about loving some other woman in their lives and reminds me that someday I am going to have to deal with Bryan having a new girlfriend/spouse who will be getting to spend 1/2 of my kids lives with and having that part of them that I never will. I am sure there are more reasons while it is upsetting...So I think I am doing the adult thing by checking it out with Bryan, instead of believing a three-year-old and I ask him if he is dating this woman. He says "no"...we have a discussion about it and I try to explain why I am upset. I think this is my first mistake and perhaps the lesson I am suppose to learn here...I cannot, under any circumstances, use Bryan to process my feelings. If I needed to check it out with him, I should have simply done that and hung up and talked to someone else about how I was feeling. So long story short, I guess Bryan tells this woman that I have been asking about whether or not they are dating and now I have three crazy, ranting, harassing e-mails. I asked Bryan what he told her and he says "I just told her that you asked if we were dating." I think he is lying. Clearly he told her more about how upset I was, because I did say some unflattering things about her to Bryan. OOOPS! I am HUMAN! Or maybe she is reacting so strongly to all of this because, despite what she claims, her intentions are NOT pure with my ex! Either way, I am not in a good place today. I am going to try to just put myself above all of this junior high behavior and try to move forward.

Exactly Why Our Reunion Is Important...

2008-01-17T09:48:00.000-07:00

Sisters

A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking iced tea and visiting with her Mother. As they talked about life, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter.

"Don't forget your Sisters," she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass. "They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need Sisters. Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them."

"Remember that 'Sisters' means ALL the women...your girlfriends, your daughters, and all your other women relatives too. "You'll need other women. Women always do."

What a funny piece of advice!' the young woman thought. Haven't I just gotten married? *Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a * *married woman, for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!'

But she listened to her Mother. She kept contact with her Sisters and made more women friends each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her Mom really knew what she was talking about. As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, Sisters are the mainstays of her life.*

After more than 50 years of living in this world, here is what I've learned:

Time passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Jobs come and go.
Love waxes and wanes.
Men don't do what they're supposed to do.
Hearts break.

Parents die.
Colleagues forget favors.
Careers end.
BUT.........

Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are
between you. A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach.

When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end.

Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you...Or come in and carry you out.

The world wouldn't be the same without women, and neither would I. When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other.

Few New Photos...

2008-01-17T09:27:00.000-07:00

Booked my ticket!

2008-01-16T16:06:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to let you all know that I booked my ticket for the weekend of the 14th and can't wait to see all of you! Looking forward to getting together again and celebrating great women and great friendships.
Shelby, I hope you have a fabulous birthday weekend, I can't believe that it has been a year since Vegas, time sure has flown! And, whoever has the Pants in March, must bring them for our annual get together :)

Vegas...One Year Later

2008-01-16T08:51:00.001-07:00

I find myself being reflective this week about my life in the past year. With the anniversary of Vegas only 3 days away, I have been thinking about the journey I have been on since March 9, 2006...D-Day. I am not sure if you all realize how much Vegas changed me. I know that sounds dramatic, but being there with all of you and feeling all of your love and experiencing such a magical day/night with you all...it changed the way I saw myself. I guess I finally saw myself through other's eyes. Would I have gotten there without Vegas...sure...maybe...I think I had been doing a lot of work up until that weekend, but there was something so touching about all of you dropping everything to be with me at a time when I really needed that totally accepting, loving, female energy! I thank you all!

It's On!

2008-01-11T14:34:00.001-07:00

I say you ladies go ahead and book flights! We have Liz, Miss, Court, Shelby and Liesl confirmed and the remaining Vegas crew are local...so chances are most of them can make at least part of the festivities! Yes! I am excited!

This Might Work...

2008-01-10T12:44:00.001-07:00

Ok...March 14-16 it is! I have Liz, Miss, Liesl and I on board. I will try Courtney to see if she is available. And the rest are local...so lets do it! I need it and can't wait!!!

My doc says AOK

2008-01-09T14:13:00.000-07:00

Hey gals
When I was at the doc on Monday, I asked him when the latest date was that I could travel (secretly hoping that I could squeeze in a girls weekend before the due date)and he told me that I could travel up to 36 weeks- yeeha. That seems a bit late to me, but hey, he is the professional right? I will be 32 weeks by mid march. I suppose I will have to see how I am feeling by then, but in my mind I am feeling good enought to travel. Bri is going to owe me big time for going on a 10 day boys trip so Emily coverage should not be a problem. I will start to look at flights to see what is out there. I am just getting home from my San Diego trip on Jan 30th so I think that counts out Feb 1-3 for me. End of Feb or early March would work too if you guys can fit that in. Lets seriously try to make this one work. Oh and another thing, I am told that red wine is good for the baby so perhaps a sip or 2 for me? and then you gals can drink the rest while I sip on my sparkling water beverage. Aren't you all jealous?

Count me in!

2008-01-08T18:25:00.000-07:00

I'd love to take a trip to Denver...the March timing would work better for me, but I'm not sure if it is within Missy's travel time. And...I'm always up for drinking the pregnant people's wine :)
Life has certainly had its ups and downs this past year, I'm looking forward to 2008. But I recently decided that I'd love to freeze my kids in the age they are right now. I was looking back through 10 years of pictures to use at my Grandparents memorial service, and realized just how quickly time flies. Hannah is suddenly this big, indepent kid who already loves going into her room with her girlfriends, shutting the door and just "hanging out." Owen is outside until dark (in reality he's there until we pull him inside), playing with the older boys, skateboarding and just being a boy. They're growing up so darn fast and I realize that Hannah is 8 1/2 and in another 8 1/2 years, she'll be a senior in high school and we'll be off touring colleges (with any luck)! Not to sound cliche, but I truly believe we need to live in the moment and make every moment last! And now, I'm off to do the mom thing and take Hannah across town to piano...so until next time...
Oh, and I have decided that in 2010, we need to take a trip to the Mauian (the hotel I stayed at in November in Maui)...it is such a wonderful place to sit back, relax, and enjoy good friends!

Trip to Denver???

2008-01-08T14:35:00.000-07:00

Anyone seriously up for a trip to Denver before Missy can't travel? How fun would it be to have a girls weekend at my house? March 14-16 anyone??? Maybe even Feb. 1-3??? Southwest flies to Denver now and you can find cheap tickets. I know Michele is due sometime right after Valentines Day, but heck...we would take her really pregnant or with the little one in a bucket. Besides, Missy will be feeling large too! And those of you who aren't prgnant, maybe the pregnant juice will rub off onto you. And those of you who hope to NEVER be pregnant again can drink all the pregnant people's alcohol. Melissa and probably even Anika could join us and Katie needs our support, too. Her mother's lung cancer has returned and has spread to her liver...it doesn't look good. Anyone...anyone??? We only live once? It would be great to get a yearly tradition going.

I am with you Sister!

2008-01-07T18:37:00.000-07:00

Shelby
I am all for returning to the blog. I frequently check in & get a bit sad when there are no new entries & I find myself reading through the old ones as well. What ups & downs we have all gone through in the past year. And now is as good a time as any to begin keeping in touch again through this little blog of ours. And I have no idea what state the Pants are even in at this time-that should be against the rules. In fact, our Movie was on last night further reinforcing the fact that we need to reconnect through this thing. Of course we are all keeping in touch, but there is something fun about checking in & sharing through our Divas in Denim. It is cathartic to just share about ourselves...
I will report that things in the Wynn household are going well. I am feeling well, am at 22 weeks of pregnancy which is hard to believe already, learned that we are having a girl & all of my tests & ultrasounds have turned out normal so we have lots to be thankful for- one of the downfalls of working with special ed kids for so long & with having a nephew with autism is that it scares me beyond belief to think of having a child with a disability. Of course I know we could handle it & would be fine, but it still makes me anxious. Emily is developing like a pure genius so of course I want child # 2 to be the same. So...positive thoughts for a smooth 18 more weeks. May 13th is the big due date. We are really looking forward to it. Emily is providing such fun for us these days. I swear her little face almost makes me want to cry sometimes. She is so sweet & I can't even imagine not having her with us. Someone asked me the other day if I remembered what it was like before we had her & I couldn't even recall. I did say to Bri "were we bored?"- of course we weren't, but the point I am trying to make is that I agree with the living in the moment philosophy. And I think I am doing a good job of that right now. I am thoroughly enjoying every moment of Emily...and Bri for that matter (of course there is a caveat to that one- ask me how I am enjoying things from Feb 11-20th while he is on a surf trip with the boys -I told him that since he was leaving his pregnant wife home alone to work & care for Emily when it happens to be Valentine's Day he needs to remember; I like Diamonds ! ) Shelby I admire you for being the wonderful single mom that you are because I know it is not an easy task. I hate it when I am solo for just a few days. I can certainly understand the challenges that come along with that & you have shown that you can do it while keeping a smile on your face-

Well, I think my babbling should end for now. Someone please tell me where the Pants are & what they are doing. And I'd like to still have them in my possession when my turn comes even though I can't wear them now. I still want to feel the magic.

Love to you all- Happy 2008. I think we are gearing up for another wonderful year ahead.
Miss

I Miss Having the Blog in My Life...

2008-01-07T09:23:00.000-07:00

Ladies,
I returned to the blog today to try to figure out when Scott and I had our first date. I was immediately sucked in and read almost all of it (while I was suppose to be working!). I realized how much I missed it and hearing about yours lives. It was actually so healing and I am committing myself to coming back to it. Now...it won't be much fun alone, so who's with me?
Here's where I am nearly 1 year post Vegas (can you believe it???)...
I really wonder if the pants are magical. When I read where I was emotionally last year, it is amazing how far I have come. I am not sure there has ever been a year in my life where so much has changed. I welcome all of you to reflect on what has changed for you this year. It's that idea of the "pursuit of happiness" that I talked about way back then. As human beings, we all seem to keep striving, growing, imagining, evolving. It's like it is our nature to pursue that elusive "happy". And all along the way, I guess you have to stop and appreciate that things are good right now. That right in this moment, everything is exactly how it should be. There is something so comforting about that to me. Before this past year, I am not sure I really understood or appreciated what it meant to "live in the moment", while still growing and striving for what you want in life. I have changed profoundly, because I have learned first hand, how fragile everything you think you "have" really is. I read a meditation awhile back that said something about how no one really "owns" anything or has any "control" over anyone. We are all just on this earth and are really "borrowing" everything that is ours. It all really belongs to the universe. You could get really depressed thinking about that and say "OMG! I have NO control over anything in my life!" or maybe it could bring comfort to know that we are all just really part of something much bigger than our little lives??? Not sure that makes sense? Anyway, I really want to hear how everyone is doing and what you are all thinking about these days. I love you all dearly!
Shelby

Back in the Saddle

2007-11-05T21:44:00.000-07:00

OK...so it's been a couple of months since I've posted...and I'm feeling ready to get back to the grove of things. Loved hearing about Missy's adventures to Costa Rica, and there are some mighty fine pictures she's hoarding might I add (you must post them Miss!)...All is well here in Temecula, we survived the fires and crappy air quality and we're heading into a nice Fall season. Miss gave me a hard time today, I know that we So Cal gals aren't used to a true Fall, but it was darn chilly tonight and it feels like we're heading into the holiday season. Our family is heading off to Maui next week, hoping to get a tan before our holiday pics! And, by the way, I entered the P.I.M.P contest todayas well (for details you have to read Missy's last post), so I'm hoping that between Miss and myself, one of us wins. But, if not, an alternative plan must be in place...it has been about a year since The Pants made their debut in Vegas and it is definitely time for a girl gathering. Jersey almost had a corner on the gals last weekend (other than myself), but we have to all be in the same place at the same time! So, I'm proposing either S.D. or Denver in February...I think our family might take a trip out to Denver in February and I can either come early or stay later to get some pure girl time in. Let me know your plans... miss prego needs to get all travel in by Spring to avoid any mishaps :) Miss you guys!!! Lucky Pants

Want to Cruise?

2007-11-03T19:09:00.000-06:00

Hey gals
Long time no post I see....well as you all know my crazy obsession with Mr. Glen Phillips(who I might add looked mighy adorable a few weeks when I saw him & sounded superb as usual), I of course am signed up on his mailing list. You know in my busy life I would hate to miss out on an opportunity to see him. So tonight I check my email & I see a "Party in my Penthouse" contest. What is that you ask? Well, there is an annual cruise called The Rock Boat, which sells out in a matter of moments. Well, this year, Glen & Toad are going to be performing aboard (along with something like 300 other artists, many of whom I have not heard of, but some that are also good-not that any of that matters since Glen & Toad are the only musical priorities in my 15 year old brain. So...at any rate, the Cruise is sometime in January & leaves from Miami & goes to Jamaica & somewhere else-Grand Cayman maybe? I didn't pay too much attention to the details. Anyway, what I am getting at is this: As stupid as this sounds, I am entering the contest- which is a matter of supplying a name, address & phone number. When I win, the prize includes airfare, ground transportation, a penthouse cabin aboard the ship, VIP this, VIP that, meeting a band of your choice, blah blah, blah, Oh & the most important piece of info: the winner gets all of this for 4 people so of course we will all need to go together. We were trying to think of somewhere to go right? So why not an all expense paid cruise where I can drool endlessly? My luck is really not good, but hey someone has to win right? And whoever happens to be the holder of the Jeans right now (Shelby I am guessing) should also submit an entry. It is fun to dream now isn't it? the link to the contest is partyinmypenthouse.com (the acronym being PIMP-isn't that clever?) I really am a teenager I think, but hey what the heck. Life is short.

Hope you gals are well. By the way, 6 thumbs up for Scott (2 from me, 2 from Bri & 2 from Emily). We had the pleasure of meeting him last weekend & he is so sweet. Shelby-you look really happy & that certainly makes me happy. You deserve nothing but the best.

So..I will tell you gals when we have to pack our bags.....

Pura Vida gals!

2007-09-24T19:25:00.000-06:00

Hello there friends
Wow, we are really abandoning this blog now aren't we? I just got back from a wonderful week in Costa Rica & thought I'd post a little note. The motto of Costa Rica is Pura Vida (pure life) & I got to thinking as I saw this phrase everywhere & heard it non-stop that they are on to something. I have now been to this country 2 times & I swear the Ticos (that is the name for the local folks there) are by far the nicest people I have come across in my life. There is such poverty, minimalistic houses, terrible roads & most people there are walking around with smiles on their faces (of course there are always the exceptions-like the crazy cab drivers that apparently have no value on human life with the way they are so reckless.....). The country is absolutely beautiful and it seems that the locals appreciate all that they have, even when it is really not much. It certainly makes me think that we are a bit spoiled here in the States. Visiting a third world country is certainly a good eye opener. Bri is ready to move there-it was pretty nice being in a place with no TV, no radio & no cell phone-Pure relaxation. The waves were spectacular, but the beach time for me wasn't so good-rainy season proved to be accurate. Pretty cloudy most times & it downpoured every night. However, with a few good books and mags with me, I was good to go. No tan for me, but I ate like a champ (beans & rice & plantains yummy yummy), took naps every day-which is a true luxury and enjoyed the beautiful scenery. Saw some pretty adorable monkeys, cool frogs, butterflies, sloths-you name it. I will send some picts soon. We found an incredible waterfall near where we were staying, so we hopped in & got a natural massage. Good times. Hope you are all well.

Abandoning the blog again???

2007-08-30T11:06:00.000-06:00

Ok ladies...I notice we have all abandoned the blog again and I know that I, for one, have too many abandonment issues to deal with losing the blog for support...so I am BACK!

Court: Adorable niece(s). Loved the blog from Carl. How exciting to travel to China to pick up a kid that now belongs to you...hard to imagine.

Miss: heard you are now channeling a junior high girl through your aquisition of braces. Just put on some kissing slicks, a BonJovi tune, and make out with Brian at the roller rink. Would love to see a picture, my BFF!

Thought you might like a picture of me and my sweet guy...

Think of all you guys often!

Got the Pants, plus some...

2007-08-02T22:50:00.000-06:00

Hi gals,
Just a note to let you know that the Pants arrived last last week, I've worn them a couple of time already and thought of you! Am heading up to LA this weekend to watch Chantal sing in concert, hoping she might bust out our Traveling Pants anthem! Court and I had a great time 2 weekends ago, we had lunch and Court met up to watch Hannah's soccer tournament (the team made it to the Semis!) Congrats Court on your new niece, she is beautiful! Hannah turned 8 last week, we're enjoying all the celebrations, and the few "attitude" milestones that accompany 8 (Shelby, have you seen any of those yet?!?!) Hoping I have more to share after the weekend, until then...

The Pants have left the building!

2007-07-24T19:18:00.001-06:00

The pants are traveling to Temecula as we speak...Liz, I hope you have an enjoyable month. Look forward to reading about your adventures. I must say I am sorry to see them leave :(

Shelby-Hang in there girlfriend! Take some deep breaths and know your "sisters" are with you 100%.

Twilight Zone

2007-07-23T14:52:00.000-06:00

I am now divorced. Hard to believe and yet...it is true. I sat there in a courtroom with the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with waiting for the judge for over an hour. We got to talk about everything and I still cannot help but feel like Bryan has never truly let himself feel the implications of his actions. Never really allowed himself to hit "rock bottom". He seems to be justifying everything he has done by saying "I realized I could never adore you the way you deserve to be, so I let you go." What a nice guy! Isn't he??? Ha! IDIOT! What a damn cop out to not be willing to do the work and somehow be able to turn that around to doing the "right thing". He is not the kind of man I want to be with. I long to be with a person who works as hard as I do to have good relationships and realizes that the REAL stuff happens during hard times. The stuff worth living for. I guess if that is who he is, I am probably truly better off???

HGTV and me?

2007-07-20T19:40:00.001-06:00

Hey gals
So I am obsessed with watching HGTV these days since I have lots of rooms that need redecorating, color, you name it! So, any way my mom & I were tossing around ideas for my bedroom & I said that I really want Candace Olsen to come on over to just do my room for me (she is an amazing designer for all of you that might not be obsessed with watching HGTV, which means you all have lives...)So I quickly went online to see how I could be chosen for one of the shows. Some of them are in the LA area, some in Chicago, etc.But there was a headline that said "Is your room ugly, boring & unromantic?" If so & you live within the Philadelphia area, fill out an application & we will transform your room. So, I kid you not, I am going to do it. But, I need some suggestions. I need a story to tell & a reason that they should choose our room. They even make a statement that you should try to let your personality shine through in the answers. Now I have to think of something creative. I have no concerns about the pictures I have to submit. My bedroom is still in the hideous stage so that should be the easy part.

I then went on to find other recruiting shows for remodeling bathrooms & kitchens, so perhaps I will apply for everything & see what happens. I better get these applications in while the Pants are in my possession because Patragnoni luck is not so good. Not sure if Wynn luck is any better, but maybe?
So,if you have any ideas that will ensure that my bedroom gets a sweet makeover-send them my way. How cool would that be? It is fun to dream now isn't it??

Our movie

2007-07-18T08:48:00.000-06:00

Hey gals
As I was sitting down last night to Belax (that is Emily's term for relax...of course her language is developing really well now & she is starting to say Relax correctly which is kind of a bummer because I really enjoy hearing Belax)Bri was flipping through the channels like a mad man when I exclaimed loudly "PUT THAT BACK". He almost jumped off the couch because I yelled so loudly...The Sisterhood was on HBO & I said to him "I HAVE to watch this right now", to which he replied "Didn't you already see it?" What a silly question. I kindly explained that I am now the holder of the Pants & if the movie is on, I feel it is my duty to watch it. So I made my way to the other TV in the house to watch & actually considered putting the Pants on to view the movie but then I decided against it because it might not be too comfy to curl up in bed with denim on... And just as I was tuning in, Liz called. How crazy is that? Hmm what timing. So at any rate, I enjoyed the film once again & was thinking of you gals. I am sad that this is my last week with the Pants, but certainly have enjoyed having them. Not much news to report, but hey I still have a week left. Never know what will come my way. So, hope you are all well-I better get to work. Out until the next post.

Miss

Last week of the Pants

2007-07-17T22:56:00.000-06:00

Just sitting here thinking about you girls and getting excited to get ahold of them Pants! It's already been a whole 3 months and I can wait to get another go at it. All is well here, loving my Pilates and thankful that Court gave me the kick in the butt to actually do it! Thinking that it's about time to start planning our next get together, any thoughts?

I'm officially in "the club"

2007-07-12T07:40:00.000-06:00

Hey gals
What were you all doing at 7:15 this morning? Lucky me...I had my very first baseline mammogram bright & early today, so now as Liz informs me, I am amongst fellow "club" members....not sure that this is a club I want to be a part of, but hey, we need to take care of ourselves now don't we? No problems here but my OB/GYN thought that I should get a baseline mammo prior to getting pregnant again and after all I am 35 so this is how things go. So..I was all geared up for the pain that I often hear associated with this right of passage & then had a little talk with myself to remind myself that I gave birth in the absence of an epidural (not by my choice I might add). If I could do that, then I could do anything. Of course, I wore the Pants so you gals would be with me in spirit. So...I get there, begin the process & the machine shuts down-they send me out to the waiting room for only about 5 minutes (to increase my anxiety I suppose??) and I am called back in. It was over in about 2 minutes & I swear to you I felt absolutely no pain or discomfort at all. I was actually shocked when the tech told me I was done. I for some reason was expecting much worse. I have to say, the most uncomfortable thing for me was the way my shoulder was pressed against the darn machine and even that was so minor that it was not even worth complaining about. So.. all in all, a fine experience for me. The tech showed me my breasts on the screen (as if I know what I am looking for...but I saw nothing that looked out of the ordinary so that is good) & she complimented me and said that I was lucky that I was young & that my breasts weren't saggy or droopy. That cracked me up. Now lets hope the films are all AOK. It is incredible how the mind wanders. I have absolutely no concerns with my health right now Thank God, but just the mere fact that someone is going to read my films to make sure everything is fine causes a little bit of anxiety. But I am not letting that get to me.

Oh & in other health news...you may or may not know that I had a little baby tooth that had no "grown up" tooth behind it...dentists have been telling me for years that it should be taken out & an implant should be put in its place (a simple procedure in which they screw a metal rod into the bone in my gums-now that sounds pleasant doesn't it?)So, I have been putting it off for years now since the baby tooth was still in it place not bothering anyone. And yesterday, I did it-I had it removed! I am wondering if the tooth fairy will pay me a visit? So why now you ask? Well, the other dental issue I have is that the good old space that I had in between my 2 front teeth that was fixed when I had braces back in 7th grade is bugging me (I had some stupid bonding as a temp fix but that was taken off yesterday too).So now the big question: Do I go on like Lauren Hutton with a big old gap in between my teeth or do I get braces again? I am actually considering braces- so, I might be looking real pretty soon. I will post some picts if & when that day comes. So braces & a dental implant & thousands of dollars later, perhaps my smile will be extra special. Of course my dentist & Bri think that the space is cute, but I have some other thoughts about this "cuteness".
OK now that I have rambled on about dental issues & mammograms, which I am sure you are all so excited to read about, I suppose I should get back to work.

A little peek into the Melissa Wynn world for a moment...

Chat with you all soon.

4th of July on the Farm...

2007-07-05T18:55:00.000-06:00

Hey gals
Well as the keeper of the Pants, I feel compelled to post updates here. Not much news to report other than the fact that the Wynn family absolutely loves the new house. We had our 1st party yesterday for 4th of July & it was really great. My aunt kept saying that "life on the farm" is really cool. Our yard is ridiculously large that we crack up at times. We had simultaneous games going yesterday that we felt like we were running summer camp. Bacce ball on one side (what fun I might add-we are getting back to our Italian roots with this one), horseshoes, badminton, kickball, softball, you name it, we offered it. It is incredible how these silly little games can bring the family together. I know this sounds corny, but we had such a good day of bonding. Not to mention that I was so not even worried that my house is still in a shambles. As my mom stated beautifully "who cares if your walls are painted & there are boxes still unpacked- being together is what is important." Amen to that! So, we rounded off the night with S'mores by the bonfire in lieu of driving to find fireworks. Did I mention that my 90 year old Nana was even playing Bocce? I will send some pictures for you to see the fun. I can't wait to plan the next shindig over here. So...you gals need to come East to share in our excitement. And now if the rest of my rooms can get painted & the rest of the carpet can be replaced I will be one Happy Camper for sure. Hmm is it fate that I won on that Happy Camper machine in Vegas. Who knew???

My turn again!

2007-06-29T07:52:00.001-06:00

Hey gals
I once again have the Pants in my posession & boy am I excited. My babysitter told me there was a Fed Ex package on the step on Wed & I had no clue what it could be & then voila I saw the CO return address & I got all giddy! Looking forward to a month filled with adventure. Speaking of adventure, my cousin & I went to Atlantic City for a local girls getaway...ate a fabulous dinner at Bobby Flay's steak house, headed into the casino & proceeded to win $187 at the craps table. Hmm & I wasn't even wearing the Pants. You know what we always say ...just having the pants in our posession is good luck in itself. The next morning we woke up, went to the gym & then spent the entire day at the spa-massage, facial, sauna, hot tub....AHH the beauty of relaxation (did I mention that I played hooky from work? shh don't tell my boss).
I have been thinking about all of you talking about taking care of ourselves when sometimes we spend all of our time taking care of others. I tell you that it felt so nice to get away from reality for a minute & indulge in pure relaxation. Must do this more often because it certainly is rejuvenating.

I must apologize to all of you for not keeping in touch the past month or so. I have been thinking of you often, but somehow the time is getting away from me. House projects still abound, but we absolutely love it here! Brian's anxiety is under control & he is so happy to be working from home now too. All is good in the Wynn household so we are thankful for that.

I will chat with you all later-and will update on my month of Luck.

Adios for now

Come Down to Earth, Shelby!

2007-06-27T10:38:00.000-06:00

Hi everyone!

Thanks for coming clean, Liz. I too have not been great about writing this month and I hope to get better as thing "calm" down here...is that possible with two young kids, a full time job, and a BF (as Aiden now refers to Scott). And yes...the pants were sent to Miss!
So how am I, you might ask??? My head is spinning a bit, I must admit. So much change. I know it is all good and that eventually I will figure out how to keep so many balls in the air. I really feel happy quite a bit. Scott has been AMAZING for my attitude! I feel like a supermodel every time I am with him and in his eyes, I am the only one who is ever in the room...even in a crowd. He is absolutely smitten with me and I am every bit as smitten with him! God...it feels so good to feel 16 again! However, I did get scolded last night by my friend, Berta for text messaging him too much during girls night out. She actually yelled at me and told me to "stop acting like a teenager!" I have no intention of stopping...Who knows what will happen, but for now, I am doing my best to stay in the moment. Scott has a way of ripping me back to the present whenever I get ahead of myself. I feel completely at peace when he is around and wraps his huge, tattooed arms around me...like nothing bad could ever happen! AHHHHHHH!
Scott and I have all sorts of great plans this summer. He is such a planner, like me (Myers-Briggs "J") that we even lay in bed naked and made a list (yes...a list!) of everything we want to do together. How super hot is that! Ha. So this summer, we are going to Riverton in July, Park City in August, and Puerto Vallarta in November (maybe San Diego in Sept???). And in between, lots of little day trips here and there when I don't have the kids.
And there is my biggest challenge...learning to accept that my kids will not be with me 100% of the time. I have many feelings about being a single mom...anger at Bryan, quilt when they are not with me, frustration when I am alone with them. This too, I hope, will work itself out and I guess I might be dealing with these feelings forever.
Final interesting item...Melissa say McDreamy in Wyoming last weekend at his brother's wedding. He asked about me, I guess, and Melissa launched into this thing about me having a boyfriend. According to Melissa, Joshua got a little jealous acting and immediately asked "Well, what does this guy do???" And then added..."I am moving to Denver." He then proceeded to hook up with some 20-year-old. Is he a dog or what? I have to admit, I would love if he did feel a bit of jealousy and I also have to admit that if I actually ever saw him in Denver, I would probably swoon a little. But, I wrote him an e-mail last month (I think I just had to test the waters with that one last time) and when he responded, the only thing that went through my mind was "he is SO BORRRRING!" So funny how what you think you want is not sometimes what you really need. I will always be in debt to Joshua for making me feel amazing when I needed it most. I reiterated this to him in my e-mail...how much I appreciate him for that. He doesn't respond when I say those things. I think he is a bit emotionally immature.
Guess that is it. My kids are in Oregon with Bryan's mom this week and I have to admit that I am enjoying the break and trying to settle into my new job. Scott and I are going to this amazing bed and breakfast in Evergreen on Friday night, so I look forward to that. I am surprising him with this whole romance package...cozy cottage with a fireplace, rose pedals on the bed, champagne, strawberries, chocolate, and a smokin hot babe!!! I am going all out. It feels great to do something for someone who actually does things for me too!
I love you guys and think about you often!
Shelby

I'm guilty of abandoning the blog!

2007-06-25T17:24:00.001-06:00

OK, so I have to confess that I have been remiss in visiting and posting on the blog. It hit me 1/2 way through work today that we're past our "20th" of the month mark and that the pants should be on their way to New Jersey (then I realized that I hadn't logged onto the blog for far to long). So, I, Elizabeth Kaufman, recommit myself to my fellow traveling pants gals and the blog, and I promise not be so absent. Been thinking of you all, can't believe I sat only yards away from Court yesterday at the Padres Game and didn't even know she was there! Congrats on the job Shelby, hope to steal a few minutes away this week to call and catch up. Until next time :)

I AM the Queen of the World!!!

2007-06-07T10:28:00.000-06:00

Maybe the Magic IS With Me???

2007-06-07T10:19:00.000-06:00

Hello ladies,

It it just a coincidence that I got a job while the pants are in my possession??? I think not! I will be working for the state with College in Colorado (check out the website...www.collegeincolorado.org). I will be coordinating outreach to school counselors across the state, informing and training them on our website, etc. I think it will be a great job. They even are paying me pretty well.
You would think I would be ecstatic, but yesterday, I completely lost it. I think all of the loss I have been experiencing just piled up on me and I spent most of the day bursting into tears. You name it...I have lost it recently...my mom, my life as I thought it would always be...my marriage...now my job I have had for 7 years (and all of the amazing support that goes with that)...my brother and dad are no longer speaking...my dog has gone blind in the past month...and on Saturday, Bryan will be taking my couch! Ha. Ok...maybe I don't really LOVE the couch, but I am just craving stability and a lack of change. I used to handle change great, but I don't seem to be handling it so well these days. (Does all of this sound like a country song?)
Basically, I think I have been stuffing so many emotions over the course of the past year that they all seemed to come pouring out yesterday. And who was around to put his arms around me...tell me I am great and that everything will be ok??? You guessed it...Scott. He is proving himself to be an amazing, caring, loving, kind man. I feel really lucky to have him. Not sure how long this will last, but for now...he is exactly what I need.

Anxiety abounds.....

2007-06-06T19:22:00.001-06:00

We are all therapists right?? So, why is it that when anxiety stares you in the face, you have no idea how to handle it? OK so maybe I do know how to handle it with an actual client, but when the client is your husband who does not really want to be your client, what is a gal to do? Other than normalize & validate? Of course we all know that this is not the answer. Suggest medication? (I actually tried this tonight & he said he might be up for it-hmmm.) I feel a bit stuck gals & need some guidance. Of course anxiety is all a part of our lives, but I tell you it is kicking Brian's butt right now. He is so stressed beyond belief that he can't snap out of it. Of course he is swamped with work, is closing up one factory & moving the business to our home garage, he is training a new guy, "babysitting" the sander guy, dealing with an artist who is beyond depressed & intermittently gets a visit from a Bipolar friend who is not taking his meds & has tried to commit suicide twice. Can you blame the guy for being anxious? Not to mention that he is so busy, does not have a moment to himself, feels guilty that he is not spending quality time with Emily. Of course, we are off to North Carolina for the weekend & I am really hoping that this escape will be just what he needs. My "talk therapy" isn't all that productive these days, although he is listening & is not argumentative or defensive so that is a good sign. I am hoping that he will be able to actually relax for a day or 2, but I am fearful that he might be so worried about the work that he is not doing that he won't be able to enjoy himself. I suppose I could pump him full of cocktails? Turning to the bottle is always an option right? (Did I really just type that for the world to see?-all in good fun of course-). Well, the Stanley Cup is on right now, so that is always good medicine for him.

I am certain he will snap out of it. Maybe he can wear the Pants when they come around next month? Oh wait, I think that is against the rules. Perhaps I will just wear them a lot around him so the good luck rubs off on him. OK I feel better now that I discussed my woes. Thanks for listening gals.....
Until next time-

Sad Day

2007-05-31T20:27:00.000-06:00

I had a hard day today...
I had to sit in a courtroom, next to the man I stood next to overlooking Jackson Lake 10 years ago and pledged my love and devotion to for the rest of my living days, and talk about what papers needed to be completed in order for us to end our marriage. Before I went into the courtroom, I sat on a bench (with another strange guy on the other end) and sobbed uncontrollably.
I hate him and what he has done to us. I am having a hard time understanding how he could not have even tried to work on our marriage. I didn't even know it was bad a little over a year ago and now it will be over on July 23rd.
Are the pants really with me today??? I am keeping hope that their mysterious power will reveal itself to me before I have to send them on.

Holy Cow...the Pants are Magical!

2007-05-30T21:16:00.000-06:00

OK...I just had to say that these Pants rock. I have no new magic to report other than just the feeling I get thinking of you guys and how awesome it has been to reconnect this past year. It was about a year ago that Court, Shelby and I had lunch at Georges, an awesome spa day and dinner at Jakes (and wishing Miss could have been there!)...planning Court's wedding and catching up, and just look at us now. You all mean the world to me! OK, I know it sounds so darn cheesy but every word of it is true. Court and I are bound to get together soon, seeing as though we spent the past 2 weekends 5 miles apart (1 in San Diego and the other in LA)! Got great news at the MD yesterday, I actually saw an MD who didn't get his degree from the University of the Bahamas and he basically gave me a clean bill of health. Without getting all graphic, there is a very straight forward rationale for my "breast issues" and nothing that should raise a red flag. So, thanks for sending all of your positive energy my way and for all of the prayers, I don't know where I'd be without friends like you ;) Hey, when are we getting together next?!?!??

Serenity and the Pants

2007-05-28T06:19:00.001-06:00

Hello friends!
I have had the pants for a few days now and I must say...I am certain that their magic is with me...no doubt in my mind! I cannot tell you all how strong, happy, beautiful and alive I feel at times these days. That is not to say that I don't have moments that are pretty low, but those are fewer and farther between and I am able to pull myself out of it with a phone call or sitting quiet and thinking about how lucky I am that Bryan turned out to really be a jackass.
The thing I am so proud of myself about is that the way I feel is independent of ANY man and what they think about me. I have truly learned to love myself more this year. I really believe that I don't NEED anyone to be ok.
Funny how you THINK you know and understand that, but until I went through what I went through, I am not sure that is really what I believed. I know now that I looked to Bryan to bring me happiness. I really understand now that I am the sole one responsible for my happiness. I wonder now...are two people at 19 years old really able to do that? To accept each other exactly how they are, with few expectations??? And even so, there is so much change and growth to be done, how do people manage to grow together? Guess I hit on why the divorce rate is so high? The stage we are in at that age is all about trying to figure out who you are apart from your parents. I guess we looked to each other to fill in the gaps and in turn, never truly figured out who we were. Might be an over simplistic look at what happened?
I am trying not to look to Bryan anymore for all of the blame. His role in this was not being honest about his feelings. My role was allowing myself to not get my needs met. Just being "ok" with his inability to make me a priority in his life. Hmmmmmm....
Now onto the good stuff...Scott surprises me everyday with his kindness, gentleness, thoughtfulness, (sexiness!), and overall ability to see me for who I am. He loves who I am! Having said that, I am well aware that once the "real" us comes out at some point, perhaps we will come to realize that we are not meant to be. That this relationship was meant to get both of us through hard times in our lives. But what a lesson I am learning from him! When I am with him, my mind is completely clear. I feel centered like I don't think I ever have before. Ok...this is cheese...but you know that saying about "life is not about moments, but the moments that take your breath away"??? My breath is taken away about daily with just something he says to me in all his sincerity. I don't like to compare, but I am not sure Bryan ever really took my breath away. Sad, huh?
I hope you are all happy, content, peaceful, loved and are remembering to laugh. I cannot tell you all enough how much you mean to me.

On to round two!

2007-05-21T21:26:00.000-06:00

Well, gals...as I write, the pants are in the mail and on their way to Shelby. I didn't have as eventful of a last night with the pants as Liz, but it's been a really good month overall. I confess that I don't wear the pants as often as others may (since they are a tad short and thus, limit my outfit options), but I'm convinced that their mere presence and the bond of friendship is what makes them "magical".

I am also aware that being the holder of the pants and having a certain expectation that "good things will happen" has allowed me to approach each moment in life with tremendous openness and appreciation. Every time something good has happened in the past month (e.g., receiving a box of See's candies from a student in my class and a touching "thank you" email from an old client I worked with 7 years ago; finally winning a game of tennis against Jesùs; and having an "Orlando Bloom" sighting during my funfilled evening in L.A. with my sister, Ashton), I've attributed it to the "magic" of the pants. While I certainly don't discount the "magic" of the pants, I believe that "magical" things happen all the time - it's just a matter of really "seeing" them. From the simple things like taking walks on the beach or to Cold Stone with Jesùs to celebrating my new role as an expected aunt to having GREAT talks and sharing laughs with friends - each moment feels "magical" to me now.

It reminds me of that wonderful old story that we've all heard before (at least some version of it). I found this version from this random website: http://www.fairding.com/jokes.shtml.

A man fell overboard from his little boat and was thrashing around in the water when another boat pulled up.
"Jump in," shouted the boater. "We'll save you."
"No", cried the drowning man, "God will save me."
The scene was repeated twice more, before a helicopter finally arrived and hovered over him. Once again, the man refused help on the same grounds ... God would save him.
The man finally drowned and as he crossed the Pearly Gates he gazed into God's eyes with obvious confusion.
"I placed my faith in you and you let me drown," he complained.
"Let you drown?", exclaimed God. "I sent three boats and a helicopter."

Well, with the second round approaching - with or without the pants, I hope to continue to see the "magic", live in the moment, be open and take risks, and appreciate the simple things in life. It's so easy to loose sight especially during hard times, so while this sounds like a motivational speech, it's intended to be a reminder to me about what's important.

Take care and until next time...xo

Is there anyone out there?

2007-05-20T12:14:00.001-06:00

Hey gals
Anyone a Duran Duran fan? Of course you are...who am I kidding? Well, everytime I think of the phrase "is there anyone out there", I immediately begin singing the Duran Duran tune. So, things are starting to settle down a bit over here, although chaos still surrounds us here. All fun stuff of course, but big decisions about paint color, carpet color, hardwood floor color-you know the REALLY important stuff in life. So I keep checking this old blog to get an update & noticed that it has been a bit quiet around here so I thought I'd post a little "hello" since I have not been so good about actually talking to you gals over the phone. Of course that doesn't mean I haven't been thinking about all of you.
Well-hope all is calm on the West side. Talk to you soon. Hope the magic of the pants is still in full force. I can't believe we are about to embark on round 2 of the cycle-my how time flies. Until next time.... Miss

Thought for the day...

2007-05-04T11:56:00.000-06:00

I know there is a lot happening in everyone's lives and I just thought I would send a little reminder from an email I received today:

Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us. Let's think about what God HAS blessed us with , and what we are doing each day to promote ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally.

I think that sums it up. Take care.

A thought about Sisterhood

2007-05-02T19:16:00.000-06:00

As I was reading Court's post & adding a comment to it, I made a reference, as I do often to you gals to "sister" (ie. keep on posting sister.....I hear you loud & clear sister, etc, etc.) Well, as I started thinking about Sisterhood, I recalled a time many years ago when Court & I were living together on Draper Ave. that we had a "sister fund". For some reason, whenever we went places, people always asked us if we were sisters. Not that we could see any resemblance, but we figured our sweet personalities and energy perhaps led others to believe we were sisters. So we would put $1 in a jar & then when it added up we cashed in on it & enjoyed being "sisters" (not that I recall exactly how the money was spent but I am guessing dinner, a spa day or something fun like that-is it bad that I forget that part?). At any rate, the point I am trying to make is that growing up I always wished I had a sister. I loved my brothers of course (and still do) but I always wondered what it would be like to have the bond that sisters share. My 2 cousins who also had no sisters became like sisters to me as I was growing up & still are to this day. But I must add that Court, Liz & Shelby-you have shown that we can have this "sisterhood" bond without the genetics to back us. It also occurred to me that Court is the only one of us that acutally has sisters-interesting that it never occurred to me before. So, in a nutshell-Long Live the Sisterhood. Glad you gals are in my life.

PS. The move went well but I am antsy now & am really wanting everything to be done now! I must be patient I know. I have big plans for the weekend-painting painting painting so I can get those new hardwood floors ASAP. Yeeha. Perhaps I should post some picts of the new place-if only I can locate my camera.....

Jesus has blessed the pants

2007-05-02T15:12:00.000-06:00

Hello my dear friends!
This is a note from your very technologically challenged friend and current "holder" of the pants. Please don't fall over in shock. I finally figured out my username and password and overcame my fear of venturing out into the cyberspace world...thanks to encouragement from Liz, who by the way, better be signing up for her Pilates class right about now. :)

So, as the holder of the pants, I feel a tremendous amount of responsibility to report on the happenings in my life! I received the pants a week ago today and of course, immediately tried them on to ensure that they still fit me. Those days at the gym must be paying off, because they fit perfectly! Still a bit short, but nothing that a little rolling up and sandal action can't fix. So, after I tried them on, my dear husband (who, like the other husbands in the group, has been skeptical about the magic of the pants) tried them on himself! And would you believe???? They slid up over his thighs and onto his hips - I was laughing so hard, I almost peed in my pants!! I thought, "They really are magical!!!" Well, he couldn't fasten the top button, so he hasn't been indoctrinated into the club, but he did "bless" the pants!!!!

So, onto the magical moments I've experienced so far:
1) The Padres won on Saturday night (it was the only game they won in that series against the Dodgers and of course, I was at that game spreading the magic)
2) Yesterday, I saw a huge pod of dolphins as I was having a glass of wine on our deck. It was the most I'd ever seen at one time. There were SO many of them - feeding off the kelp, playing in the ocean, and riding the waves.
3) I also spotted a seal from our deck. It was the first time I'd seen a seal playing in the ocean right off our private little beach.

And of course there have also been an increase in those "GREAT" parking spot moments, increased motivation and brain power as I study for my big exam, and an overall increased appreciation for the simple things in life and awareness of the power of GIRLFRIENDS! I love having the pants and the sense of connection I feel to each of you.

Until the next time...
CourtC

I'm officially a member of "the club"

2007-05-01T17:48:00.000-06:00

So, I went today for my first Mammogram, and afterwards the tech shook my hand and said, "Welcome to the club." Didn't realize there was an "I've had a mammogram" club, anyone else out there a member?!?!? Wasn't as bad as I thought it would be and the preliminary results are looking positive. My blood work came back all jacked up though, so I had some labs re-done this afternoon and will get more results Friday. Grrrrr... looking forward to this all being over :) That's all for now, was thinking about who is going to play me in Divas in Denim movie, what do you all think about Sarah Jessica Parker? Lucky Pants Liz...Out

Girlfriend power

2007-04-30T17:39:00.000-06:00

Hey girls, just a quick thank you for all of your thoughts, prayers and girlfriend power you've sent my way (Missy even offered up a cross blessed by the Pope!). The hospital called this AM to let me know that they had a cancellation for a mammogram tomorrow, so I grabbed the spot and will hopefully have my mind put at ease 3 weeks earlier than expected! I also have an MD appt at 8:45am to go over my lab results, so by tomorrow night I'll be enjoying a glass of wine with a load off my mind (hopefully)! I'll update you soon, oh, and Court...how them Pants treating you?!?!?

Struggling With Living in the Moment

2007-04-23T09:22:00.000-06:00

Beautiful Women,

Wow! It seems like when I start to forget about the power of the pants, something happens that brings it all back to me. I loved talking to Liz about her last night in the pants and the amazing things that happened. Liz and I spent some time deciding who would play each of us in the movie. I want Reece Witherspoon. Liz is thinking Naomi Watts. We thought we had to get Julia Roberts for Court and we kicked around a few ideas for Missy...maybe Marissa Tomei??? What a cast! Three academy award winners! These pants are incredible!

Now onto my latest struggle... I had this amazing weekend in the mountains with Scott. Saturday was the perfect day. It was like I was in a fantasy world! Beautiful condo in Winter Park, on a hill across from the ski resort, hot tub on the porch, perfectly decorated, roaring fireplace, jacuzzi tub, lots of brand new lingerie, you get the picture??? Then I get back and I can go from being on top of the world to seriously crashing. I think the trigger was that I was invited to dinner at Scott's house last night with the kids. It was him and I, Niki and Shawn and the kids. I am living a double life and my two worlds collided! I guess I just wasn't prepared to have to play "mommy" in front of the guy I have been playing "hot sex kitten" with. It was just weird! And then I got all distrusting and paranoid and decided I should end it all with him before he ends up breaking my heart, because he doesn't want the package deal that I come with. I got all freaky and was NOT living in the moment. I do great when I can stay in the moment, but when I leave it for a second...I freak out!

So Scott says the perfect thing, as always...when I said "I come with too much baggage. You need to meet someone without kids", he says "I don't think you should refer to your kids as 'baggage'...they are great!" And goes on to say, "don't you think that if I was going to get freaked out by your children, I would have done that by now?" And then reminded me to stop trying to see into the future. He said "I just love being with you and that's all I know right now." He says those kind of things all the time and makes it impossible for me to hate him! (When Harry Met Sally quote!) How do I stop obsessing and losing it with him? Or he will get sick of me! When I asked him if he hated how I get like that, he thought about it for a few seconds and said "No. I like it." Ever since I said the "L word" last week, I have been really fearful and crazy one minute and in total shmoopy bliss the next. (and by the way, he loves me too and said he was glad I said it first, because he felt it, but didn't want to scare me off.) What gives? How do I learn to trust again? I hate Bryan! How did I get here???

One last thing...

2007-04-23T00:52:00.000-06:00

OK....Can we all just go back and read Shelby's post, "I light up the room?" Seeing as though Miss Shelby and Mr. Scott are a thing these days, I think it's pretty cool that we have the beginning of their thing documented! :)

I just want to "Be"

2007-04-22T22:31:00.000-06:00

Well my friends, my journey with the pants has come to an end after a month of ups and downs. I kept trying to look for the magic in the pants, but needed to remember that the pants are here to teach us something that we don't necessarily know we need to learn. So here goes...I learned that I need to do a better job of just being... I truly think we all struggle as wives, mothers, and friends with the balancing acting of caring for others while making sure our own needs are met. Personally, I am such a doer I have a really hard time just being in the moment. This month has been such a learning experience and as I think back on other life lessons it came to me that when I finished my internship at Children's Hospital (13 yrs ago) I asked my supervisor for an honest piece of constructive criticism, something I could take with me that would impact my work. Her words of wisdom were, "Liz, you need to slow down, stop and smell the roses. I often feel that you are so goal driven, you miss the little pieces along the way. It isn't enough to be detailed oriented, because you lose the process piece and put all of your energies into the content. Just take a deep breath, slow down, and live in the moment."
Flash ahead to 2007, in the car, talking with my 7 yr old about her plans for the summer. After all I'm working, Rick is working, we need to make sure we have coverage for Hannah. Don't want her to be bored and under foot. As we talked about last summer's plans (drama camp, art camp, science/math camp, reading camp, tumbles camp, etc etc etc), she looked at me and said, "Mom, this summer I just want to be"..."I don't want to go all over the place, I want to wake up and play with friends if they ask, go to lunch with you during your breaks, hang out with dad when he has time, can't I just be?"
For goodness gracious, can someone just knock me over the head a bit harder?!? So, my lesson for this month is to take the heartfelt advice offered up 13 yrs ago my wonderful supervisor and reiterated by my 7 yr old daughter... I just need to slow down...and Be...

My last night in The Pants

2007-04-22T21:30:00.000-06:00

Although I've yet to actually post the rules for the pants on the Divas in Denim blog, I do have them scribbled down on a napkin from the day we all sat at The Venetian gobbling down lunch. 1 of the rules is, "You must wear the pants on the first day you get them, and the last day you have them." So, on 4/20, I was definitely going to be wearing the pants. But ironically enough, on 4/20, I was also headed to San Diego to meet up with family friends and go to a concert. Chantal Kreviazuk was opening for Five for Fighting and is a neighbor of my friends; she also just so happens to be the one who sang the signature song for the soundtrack to none other than The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. And while her songs on The Sisterhood soundtrack hold special meaning for me, she has a beautiful voice and some other great music out there.
The day started out a bit dreary and it rained the whole way down to San Diego. Chantal's voice had given out the night before at a concert in Canada, so it was questionable whether she was going to be able to perform. But, I had my fingers crossed, since her song These Days, resonated in my heart and reminded me of our Vegas trip. The lyrics are amazing,
"Where we can wear each other for awhile
I'll lend you my tears if I could borrow your smile,
We'll get through tomorrow somehow today
Happy After...Once upon these days"
Thinking back to Vegas and Shelby's situation always makes this song extra special. I remember singing the song with Missy in the car while we ran out for snacks, and listening to it with Court during the car ride to and from Vegas.
So, back to 4/20. I made it down to the venue in San Diego where we met up with Chantal and my friends Megan and Paul. We spent a little time putting our stuff backstage and checking out the lay of the land and then decided to go to Dobsons (thanks to Missy's recommendation) for some dinner. Chantal's voice was sounding pretty good after a day of hot steam and tea. As we were driving to the restaurant, I started thinking about the pants, and the song (which I couldn't wait to hear live) and just how lame it could sound for me to break out with the story of the pants in the middle of dinner. How do I bridge this one...did it matter? I felt a bit like the pants deserved to have their story told to someone who had such a connection to their very existence (I mean face it, without the movie we would have never thought to buy 1 pair of pants for the 4 of us and swap them every month along with stories of how our lives changed while they were in our possession). So, I realized that I owed it to the pants and the girls to make our story known. Dinner went well, the Mussel Bisque was all that Missy made it out to be. We chatted about a ton of things including Chantal's work rebuilding schools that were devastated by war for children in the Congo; could the pants story hold a candle to this? Then it came, time to just come out with it. And I did, I told our story from beginning to end. The great part was that Chantal was as excited about the whole thing as we are. She kept saying, "this sounds like a movie," to which I responded, "it was a movie, remember? :)" Then she started talking about her friendship with the movie's Producer and how I need to sit down with her and tell her our story. She brought up a good point, after all the original story was about adolescent coming of age but who ever thought that it could happen in real life, to 4 very real women. So we laughed a lot, I filled her in on everything from our being ousted from Tao the Nightclub, to the finding, trying on and buying the pants, to Shelby's early morning story telling of her McDreamy night and all of the magic that ensued. There I was, now really looking forward to hearing the pants anthem, live, and from someone who knew our story, and was excited about our story...and then...Chantal broke that news, "it's too bad I can't sing the song tonight, it just really isn't something that you can sing in a club like environment, too much noise and not enough beat to grab the attention of a big crowd." What the &%$($&, oh well, at least I had a 1 1/2 hr drive home ahead with the CD in my car, and I can belt out some tunes when I'm alone!
We got back to 4th and B (the venue), and hung out backstage for a bit. A few more folks cruised through the area, and buzz about the pants started. I ended up telling a fairly abridged version of the story a couple of more times, and had several, "I need some of them pants" comments. Chantal was called out for sound check, and I ran upstairs to go to the bathroom. There I was in the men's bathroom (because the women's wasn't working) and all of the sudden I hear, "Liz, Liz where are you?" and the comforting sound of the piano playing the opening notes to These Days and then those all too familiar words:
What's this life anyway?
What's it to you and me?
What's it to anyone?
Who are we supposed to be?
I darted out of the bathroom and down to the front of the stage, and just stood, taking it all in. It absolutely grabbed me at the bottom of my heart and I wished more than anything that we could be there all together. In January, it was Shelby's tears we all dried, and in April you all confronted me through my tears. Our friendships, these pants, this song...
The night was amazing, the concert was incredible and when Chantal was done and Five for Fighting took the stage and almost feared what I'd do when John sang Superman. Missy and I have talked endlessly about the emotions behind Superman, and if you ever have a chance to sit and just listen to the words, listen to them from the perspective of a mother.
Anyway, that night I ended up seeing people I hadn't seen in 15 yrs, reconnecting and renewing friendships. When I talked to Court the next day, she said, "Oh my gaw, you sound like you're just floating" and I was.
Chantal is touring with Five for Fighting and then will most likely head out on her own tour after the release of her new album. She plans to head to Vegas for a show, and we talked about all of the girls coming out for a reunion. It promises to be a night none of us will forget.
So I hand on the pants to Courtney knowing that she'll find them a reminder of the love and strength of The Sisterhood. Have a great month Court!

I'm here...I really am...

2007-04-16T17:36:00.000-06:00

Hi all,
It's been too long since I've posted, especially as the holder of The Pants. I've noticed myself saving them to wear on certain days, hoping the Magic will make that day bearable. Been having some health issues, which I'm just now having to actually face although am stuggling with how to get through the unknown while keeping a smiling face on for the kids. I've thought about Shelby a lot lately and the strength she has shown in getting through this past year. Having to turn your pain "on and off" depending on the situation and then trying not to let it all spill out when you know it is safe to. The pants haven't shown me magic this past month, but have been a constant reminder that I have a lot of strength and love to draw on when needed. Friends are fun to have around, but Girlfriends are irreplaceable! So, to that Mr. Bryan, I have six words, "To the left, to the left..."

Reclaim Your Light

2007-04-12T16:02:00.000-06:00

I came across this quote by Marianne Williamson today. I have read it before, but it is so amazing, I had to share it with my sisters.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Love to you all,
The Brilliant, Sensual, Bewitching, Greek Goddess

When Bad Days Happen to Good People

2007-04-11T12:33:00.000-06:00

Amazing Women!

I knew I would have to eventually have another crappy day...so BOOM! It happened yesterday. The great thing is...I survived it with my self-esteem still relatively in tact! Just lots of emotions coming up for me. With the recent anniversary of my mom's death, a Easter trip to WY to hang out with my emotionally unavailable male family members, having to get my "disillusionment of marriage" notarized and finally cleaning all of Bryan's shit out of MY closet (both in the same day), I was bond to have a bit of a setback.

I feel angry that Bryan took an amazing relationship and threw it in the trash. Angry for my loss and for my children's loss. Problems come up in every relationship. He was only responsible for telling me how he felt and he could not do that. He still sees that as a result of my "judgemental" and "critical" nature.

I think the big thing here is that when I start to look for the "why" again, like I did yesterday, I always end up feeling horrible. I need to stay in the moment and except that the "why" will probably NEVER make complete sense to me. And the more I have those moments where I look to Bryan to explain his behavior to me, the more awful I end up feeling about myself. He really can be masterful at manipulation. After talking to him, I typically find myself questioning myself and how I was responsible for this divorce. He keeps reminding me that I am "50% responsible" and in my weaker moments, I actually believe that. I can get myself out of that place and say to myself "what a bunch of crap", but I need to stop going there at all.

I guess this week I have had to face that fact that this relationship is truly over. That at this point, it wouldn't matter what Bryan said or did. I am finally at a place where I really get the fact that Bryan is not good for my soul. I am having to grieve the loss of what I thought we had and who I thought he was. I am not sure that person EVER existed.

Thoughts? Are you guys out there? I miss you all!

Shelby

Wearing The Pants

2007-04-02T17:36:00.000-06:00

So, the pants arrived last week and I wasn't feeling so lucky! Spent the week pretty sick with a head/chest cold, but things are looking up. Slipped on the pants this morning and logged onto email just in time to check out a great pic of Shelby with her beau. Love the glow and dazzling smiling (from both of them)! Still looking forward to my "pants lesson" at this point it is definitely something about taking time to care for myself. I think that we as parents, wives, worker bees and friends tend to overextend ourselves and don't take enough time to recharge our own batteries...so my friends, please take a few minutes to do just 1 thing for yourself today that you hadn't planned to do when the sun came up this AM!
I know that this is a very tough week for our dear Shelby, I'm calling on all the girls to send positive thoughts and prayers to Denver. For now.... Kaufman out :)

Surf's Up

2007-03-29T07:43:00.000-06:00

Hey gals
Just wanted to let you know that our new and improved website is up & running. Check out Wynnsurfboards.com & let us know what you think. I don't think you Colorado folks will be doing much surfing over there since the Ocean is not in sight, but if you take a trek to Cali & need a board, you know where to turn! Or you can just pretend that you are a surfer like a one Mr. Rick Kaufman & just wear the gear-hee hee sorry Liz, I couldn't resist.

Found this amazing picture of mother and daughter in Oregon...had to share!

2007-03-28T16:33:00.000-06:00

Springtime in the Rockies!

2007-03-26T13:35:00.000-06:00

I Am Still Here...

2007-03-26T13:17:00.000-06:00

Ladies,

I have tried to write several times during the past few weeks and the words wouldn't come. I have been in a "weird" place. The anniversary of my mom's death is on April 6 and it seems like ever since March 9 (the anniversary of finding out about Bryan's affair), I have been having a lot of stuff come up from last year. I think this is normal. I keep trying to move forward...

Here are a few surprising things in my life. I feel a little confused and anxious at times, because Scott, my "you light up the room" guy has started to touch my heart in a way that I do not want right now nor did I expect. He says things to me that take my breath away sometimes, because they are so heartfelt and real. He really seems to see and appreciate my "light". He told me last night that he is attracted to me because of the way I "analyze everything". Seriously! Bryan hated that about me. I have done my best to keep all emotion out of this thing, but I guess it is starting to creep in. Damn! I am doing my best to stay "in the moment" and enjoy spending time with him and realizing that he might be in my life simply to help me get through this divorce. Who knows??? I do ok until I start to try to analyze it and worry about what might come. I had said from the beginning that he is "not my type" and that I don't feel any "attraction" to him, so the fact that I want to just be with him and have him hold me for hours kind of freaks me out. Besides, the sex is pretty damn steamy! I just don't want this to end badly, but I can express that to him and he says he believes it would never end badly, because we "get" each other and are being honest. It just feels so good to have someone say out loud that I am "incredible" and really mean it. Any thoughts???

Anxiously Awaiting...The Pants!

2007-03-25T22:27:00.001-06:00

It's Sunday night and I can't wait until tomorrow, because if my calculations are correct, I'll be welcoming The Pants home. Rick saw them on Missy while we were in NJ, but is a bit skeptical about this whole "pants" thing. I'm a believer though, and am excited to start my new adventure! I don't know what to expect...but as a good friend once told me "expect the unexpected"...so...bring it on!

A final note about the Power of the Pants

2007-03-23T07:43:00.000-06:00

OK gals....so I am preparing to mail the Pants to Liz, but figured that I should wash them first. Well, we all know that they can't go in the dryer or Court would be wearing shorts, so I have them hanging to dry & am hoping that they dry fast because time is ticking & Liz needs to experience the magic. And wouldn't you know it? We got an offer on our house. I should have the contract this afternoon & we might actually be on our way. Of course you know how many things have to fall into place in order for it to all go smoothly, but I am confident that this will work out. So, I think I have the Pants to thank-that extra day in my house really paid off I think. Coincidence? I think not! I guess my procrastination with washing the Pants immediately paid off-or perhaps my selfishness for not wanting to give the pants up too quickly paid off-hee hee. At any rate, please wish us luck on this adventure and pray that it doesn't fall through. I think I might have to be out of this house in 30 days-now a new set of anxiety awaits me. Of course, all for a good cause.

I just read an email this morning that my cousin sent me & thought I'd post it here because it is a nice tribute to women:

Time passes
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Jobs come and go.
Love waxes and wanes.
Men don't do what they're supposed to do .
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favors.
Careers end.
BUT.........
Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how
many miles are between you. A girl friend is never
farther away than needing her can reach.

When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you
have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life
will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on,
praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on
your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the
valley's end.

Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk
beside you...Or come in and carry you out.

Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters,
daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, Mothers,
Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended
family, all bless our life!

The world wouldn't be the same without women, and
neither would I. When we began this adventure called
womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or
sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we
would need each other.

Every day, we need each other still

It is time to say Farewell for now.....

2007-03-20T21:33:00.000-06:00

Well, it is the 20th & as sad as I am to see these Pants leave the East Coast, I am excited to pass the torch along to Liz. I can honestly say that thes Pants have been so fun to have over the past month. I felt giddy everytime I wore them and actually had lots of life perspectives this month because of our little adventure. So I will share the fun that I had tonight with the Pants. I went to an auction at my cousin's son's elementary school. It is an annual thing that I go to with my cousin, my aunt & my grandmom. It is just a fun way to help raise money for the kiddies. Some of the gift items are fun to try to win & of course just the thought of your number getting called is fun in itself. It is one of those auctions in which you put tickets in to "bid" on the items that you want. Really there is no bidding involved...put you ticket in the bucket & it if it called, you win-pretty simple stuff here. So I wore the Pants to see if they could bring me some luck in winning that new set of Tupperware that I have always wanted (hee hee). No luck was coming our way & I leaned over to my cousin & told her to rub the Pants. She did so & I KID YOU NOT, she won the next prize. We were cracking up & she yelled "I touched the Lucky pants". So her friend sitting near us said she wanted to touch the Pants & voila, she won the next prize. The girl sitting next to her ( a complete stranger to me by the way) said she wanted in on the Luck-she too touched the pants & won her prize. Now we were roaring with laughter I could hardly control myself. So.....the big finale comes up & my aunt gives a little pat on the Pants & what do you know? she wins the Grand Prize-a flat screen TV, a Nintendo Wii system, a gift card and a few other random things (the prize was worth over $600 in case you care). We screamed so loud & were jumping up & down in this elementary school auditorium, you would have thought we just won a 300 million lottery. Needless to say, the laughter and bonding that took place tonight with a bit of guidance from these Pants was priceless (OK now I sound like a MasterCard commercial-please forgive that blunder). I called all 3 of the other holders of the Pants to share my tale & Shelby said something that has really stuck with me. I was talking about how tonight was not about me winning anything at all, it was about learning about bonding with those that are important to us, sharing fun times with others and keeping it all in perspective. I went into this month with the goal of selling the house -which it didn't, but is coming along we hope. However, Shelby's statement was that the Pants teach you something that you really need to know, not what you think you need to know (or think you need to do). That pretty much sums it up for me. What an inspiring month I have had. I only hope that Liz & Court have the same thought provoking and fun times that Shelby and I have had while in possession of these fabulous Pants. Long Live those Lucky's!

By the way, I finished the 4th book in the Pants series & it was most incredible. I felt it only fitting to finish reading about the girls adventures before I had to pass along the pants. Read those books STAT if you haven't already-
Where have all of you gals gone? I am hoping I am not just writing to myself here-

Thought for the day...

2007-03-19T09:59:00.001-06:00

You have this day, this moment. No one has any more or any less. Thinking that you are too old, or too young, or too much this, or too little that, is merely a deception you impose upon yourself. Focus instead on what you can do right now.
This is a moment to take your most highly cherished values and put them into action. This is the day to give life to your dreams.
Right now you have the opportunity to do something with this day. Right now you are in a position to express the beautiful, unique person you are.
No matter what the circumstances may be, the conditions are always right for making a positive contribution in your own special way. Whatever may have happened before, this moment right now is when you can make a difference.
Consider how truly fortunate you are to be here in this moment. Then get going and make something great out of that good fortune.
-- Ralph Marston

If you're cranky and you know it.....wear the Pants

2007-03-16T07:25:00.000-06:00

Every have one of those mornings that you just wake up cranky for no good reason? Well, yesterday was one of those for me. Not quite sure what I was cranky about. After all, I have much to be thankful for...but at times I find myself overwhelmed with work, being a mommy, wife, friend, selling a house, etc etc. I notice that work directly correlates to my crankiness & I need to do something about that immediately. I find myself working ridiculous hours at times & repeatedly tell myself "it is just a job", but the perfectionist in me wants to be able to do everything, even when it might cost me family time & this is NOT ok for me. I go through stages with this struggle frequently- a bit of a roller coaster if you will. So yesterday when I was cranky, I took the longest hot shower of my life, slipped into the Jeans & felt a sense of relief come over me. Ok this might sound a bit dramatic, but I swear when I put the jeans on, I felt the presence of my gals & knew you were all with me saying "breathe breathe". The rest of my day was good & I actually asked for help with my work. So in a nutshell, I am taking the steps I need to take care of myself (why is it that we often times take care of everyone else & neglect ourselves?. So I am wondering how many days in a row I can wear the Pants?? Hee hee. I have to keep reminding myself that life is short & that I should be enjoying every day. I have to take my own advice for once.

We might have a house offer so that is good news. More to come....

By the way, for those of you that haven't read the Sisterhood books-Run to the nearest store to get them. They are fabulous. I am on book 4 & it is superb. I know Liz was enjoying it as well & probably finished it by now. I am being a slow poke with my reading, but it is certainly a nice distraction from reality. Hope you all are well.

What's up with these Pants?

2007-03-11T14:24:00.000-06:00

Hey gals
I thought that I would have lots of fun stuff to share now that I am the keeper of the Pants, but not much is going on over here. Of course Liz was just in town & I wore the Pants a couple of times during her visit to strengthen the Luck. Of course when we hit up Atlantic City, we had no winnings....but we did have a good time so that is really all that is important here. I do feel honored to have these special Pants in my posession & know that their presence alone is fabulous! Of course try telling that to my husband who keeps saying "what's up with these pants? the house is still not sold & we won no money in AC-hee hee" Liz & I decided that the men just don't get it. They are not Believers & that is the problem. So....I still believe & even if nothing major occurs in my life, I am thrilled to be amongst my gals in this adventure. By the way Shelby...we sang Beyonce on numerous occasions while traveling to and from New York & Hannah has taken a liking to it as well. While I liked the song before our Vegas adventure, it is even better now. I will post more soon. Not feeling all that creative at the moment.

Happy Birthday to Liz today :)

Update

2007-03-05T09:23:00.000-07:00

Good news - Tally and I are both home safely. It was a trying few days, but it appears things are going in the right direction. She has an inflammatory brain disease, but it is treatable. We are dealing in the theory of thirds. A third of the dogs never leave the hospital (not her), a third recover and relapse later and a third recover fully. We are hoping she is part of the last third.

Thanks again for all your thoughts. I know all of the positive energy we have received has made a huge difference. I have faith that she is going to recover fully.

Can you see the forest through the trees?

2007-03-01T17:40:00.000-07:00

I am sitting in a motel in Pullman, Washington. Today I got up at 4 a.m. to take my little dog Tally to the Veterinary Teaching Hospital in hopes that they could help her. This is supposed to be the cutting edge in veterniary medicine.

So after sitting on an icy hill for 2 hours waiting for the road to open, crossing a snowy pass, having Tally poop all over me because all of her medicine gave her diareha, and a little episode about 75 miles from the hospital that I am not sure what it was, I made it. I checked my little girl in to be evaluated.

So I sit and ask what is all of this teaching me again? I have always been the kind of person who believes everything happens for a reason, but time and time again I wonder when we are going to understand the reason. I do recognize this is my dog and not my parent or a child, but she is very special to me. I do know what purpose Tally served in my life. I know that she brought balance to my life when I needed it most. So I do know what I learned from her, but I still don't understand why she should go through all of this.

So are we supposed to hang on to these feelings and wait until we have that aha moment of the lesson we have learned? That is far too difficult. I think we want immediate answers and understanding.

So I feel this shows me yet again that life is short, enjoy your love ones because you don't know what tomorrow brings, and every other cliche that I can think of. I do know that the last few weeks have made me appreciate everything just a little more. I appreciate all of the kind things my friends do for me, how supportive my boss and coworkers are as I try not to lose it at work, and how my family has proven yet again that they will always be there for me.

So nothing that you all don't already know, but I guess that we just have to be reminded of it time and time again. Thanks again for the support.

ADA Job and "Light Up the Room" Guy, Both Take 2

2007-03-01T16:11:00.000-07:00

Hello, Amazing Women!

I had my interview with the American Diabetes Association yesterday. It turns out the job is really more soliciting corporate sponsorships for the organization (about 60% of the job and ony about 40% event planning). I thought I was doing alright, but when I went to ask them "Do you have any reservations about my ability to do this job?" the Executive Director said "as a matter of fact...we would really prefer someone who has done corporate sales" and she went on to further say "if we had a lower level job, we would offer it to you." She admitted that I had the "skills" they were looking for, but with her upcoming maternity leave, as well as the maternity leave of another woman on the team, they were hoping for someone who could "hit the ground running" with not much training. I didn't back down. I looked her right in the eyes and said "I can do this job. I would be great at this job. Every employer who I have ever worked for has valued me. I want this job!" So I left feeling a bit discouraged and fairly certain that I wouldn't be one of the two people called back for second interviews, but I kept telling myself that "I am right where I am suppose to be."

Well...a couple of hours later, I got a call to come back for a second interview! I have no idea what happened there??? I wish I did, so I could do more of the same in the second interviews with a couple members of the volunteer board. That will happen next Thursday. I still need to keep telling myself that whatever is suppose to happen will. No expectations...no letting my ego get in the way...living in the moment. I love it! It feels so great!

Ok...feel the need to get something off of my chest. You may remember my "first" date with Scott, the friend of my friend, Niki's boyfriend??? Turns out there may be a little more attraction that I previously reported. And...it turns out that he has more "skills" than coming up with amazing complements. That's all I will say...

The Pants have arrived!

2007-02-28T08:29:00.000-07:00

Hey gals
I am happy to report that the Pants arrived yesterday & boy am I excited to have them in my possession. I was sitting at my desk making my way through my work & saw the Fed Ex man pull up to my house. Of course I was expecting him to be delivering boring payroll checks for Brian's employees & boy was I surprised when the package was for me. I frantically opened it, a sense of excitement came over me & I rushed upstairs to put them on immediately. (By the way, I would like to add a rule if it is not too late that if at all possible, you must try to wear the Pants on the same day as their arrival-what do you gals think?) I had an appt for someone to look at the house 30 minutes after the arrival of the Pants so we will see what happens there. We did get an offer by the way (not a very good one, but an offer at that-negotiations are underway, so I will update you all if I hear any good news.) After reading all of these emotional posts, I must admit that I feel like my house selling woes are really not all that important in the scheme of life. But nonetheless, it is the cause of much anxiety for me these days.

I must also share that our good friend Liz nominated me for this award at work & I got it! I was so shocked when our Medical Director "presented" the award to me in our staff meeting on Monday. Of course it is a difficult presentation when I am only on the phone 3,000 miles away from the office. What a nice way to start the week huh? With the award comes company wide recognition of course which is really nice & a LARGE bonus of $100. Liz & I were cracking up that this award that had to be approved by about 300 committees came with a whopping bonus. Hmm I thought Wellpoint made billions of dollars? OK I shouldn't sound ungrateful-I am thrilled to be recognized for my work, but it gaves us a chuckle nonetheless. OH and prepare yourselves to chuckle some more once we take a picture of Liz presenting the award to me when she comes to visit. Our manager wants her to follow through with this request so a picture can be posted on our company website. We have decided that I will wear the Pants for the shot. How silly, but we will post the shot here if it actually turns out.

OK I really must get back to work now. More to come as the Power of the Pants continues.

At a loss for words

2007-02-27T23:10:00.000-07:00

I have to say...I love "the blog!" I know it has been some time since I've posted, but I'll tell you that it brightens my day to check out news from my friends. Shelby is so darn awesome at writing and Michele's poetry is amazing, I feel very fortunate to be a part of this whole thing. So, I'm heading off to New Jersey, and will visit my old friend Melissa Wynn...and in the words of Missy..."it will be fab!" You girls are all fab, I love that we all met up in Vegas and got some time together, and most of all that everyone's rallied around Shelby to remind her of what a great person she is! Sounds like you've turned a corner Shelby, there will be several more to turn before you find your way through the maze of life, but I'm really glad that your seeing the light at the end of the tunnel!

I still have "the rules" for "the pants" (does that remind you of the Friends episode with the quotes?!?) Anyone, anyone?!? I'll dig them out and post them soon :)

Thoughts for Liesl...

2007-02-27T11:35:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone ,

I have sad news I need to share. Liesl's dog (child) Callie has been diagnosed with a brain tumor and she does not seem to be doing well at this point. Liesl is pretty devasted, so please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. We love you, Liesl!

Shelby

Female Anthem

2007-02-26T17:57:00.001-07:00

This song was played at the workshop in SD and I can't get over what a great song it is. It is exactly about what we talked about...loving all of yourself...the "light" and the "dark". Amazing song! I think it is about loving yourself, as well as the unconditional love of someone else. I hope I find that someday and to those of you who have it...don't let it go.

"Everything"

Alanis Morissette

I can be an asshole of the grandest kind

I can withhold like it's going out of style

I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone

Who is as negative as I am sometimes

I am the wisest woman you've ever met

I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected

I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen

And you've never met anyone

Who's as positive as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part

You see all my light and you love my dark

You dig everything of which I'm ashamed

There's not anything to which you can't relate

And you're still here

I blame everyone else, not my own partaking

My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating

I'm terrified and mistrusting

And you've never met anyone as,

As closed down as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part

You see all my light and you love my dark

You dig everything of which I'm ashamed

There's not anything to which you can't relate

And you're still here

What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know

What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go.

I'm the funniest woman that you've ever known

I'm the dullest woman that you've ever known

I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known

And you've never met anyone

Who is as everything as I am sometimes

You see everything (you see everything),

you see every part (you see every part )

You see all my light (you see all my light)

and you love my dark (and you love my dark )

You dig everything (you dig everything)

of which I'm ashamed (of which I'm ashamed)

There's not anything (there's not anything)

to which you can't relate (to which you can't relate)

And you're still here(You see everything, you see every part)

And you're still here(You see all my light and you love my dark)

And you're still here(You dig everything of which I'm ashamed)

(There's not anything to which you can't relate)

And you're still here...

Last Tree in the Orchard

2007-02-25T14:16:00.000-07:00

Ladies,

I came across this thing I wrote a few months ago, when I was still clinging to the hope of saving my marriage. Just thought I would share...

There was an apple tree in the backyard of the home where I grew up in Riverton, Wyoming. It was a green apple tree that I was always told was the last standing from an orchard that once stood where my childhood home now occupies. The tree must have been there since before the turn of the century, as our home was one of the first built in the town in 1910.

As a child, I recall spending lazy Sundays in the summer lying in a crocheted hammock under that beautiful tree. Even though it would be a hot day, the shade from the tree provided a welcome respite from the hot sun. I would lay there for hours as a child…listening to the wind blow through the leaves, rocking gently, maybe reading a book, sleeping until the loud slam of the old, wooden back door would wake me from my comfortable rest. My mom telling me dinner was ready. A special Sunday roast.

I think I felt happy. At least I know I felt safe and secure. I knew where I belonged. I knew I was loved and I had hope and anticipation for my future and all the things I would become. The tree was my shelter.

Years later, someone would join me in that hammock, under that old apple tree. His arms wrapped around me and the skin of our sweaty legs touching. We couldn’t get close enough. A perfect fit. We would rock and laugh and lay quiet, napping. He had become my security, my shelter, my home. I was accepted and loved. I didn’t have to pretend. I didn’t have to be anything I didn’t want to be. I didn’t have to feel like a part of me was missing any longer. I was safe. I was loved at last for who I was. The feeling of acceptance was intoxicating. It must have been what I was waiting for.

That tree is gone now. It died after I had left home for good and started my own home. My mom cried as she watched the workers cut it down. She was that way with trees. Left in its place is a stump that my dad transformed into a base of a table…my mom’s idea, I’m sure, except nobody wants to sit there in the middle of the hot yard on that table, eating their corn on the cob while the sun beats down. So the trunk sits. A reminder of the life it once lived. The dreams it watched come true. The hope. The laughter. The joy it witnessed. The tears, too.

I miss that tree. I didn’t know I did until today. I want it back, along with my dear mother and my husband. I know that it is not possible to get my mom or the tree back. No wonder I feel so desperate to have my love back…my best friend.

I want another chance to create something real for myself. Like the apple tree, the only conceivable way for me to continue in this life I have created is in a new form. The leaves are gone. My security and stability stripped from my branches. I must continue, bare and vulnerable to the harsh elements of the world. I must find a way to maintain my strength and beauty, despite what this year has done. I must find my own security…the kind that only comes from within myself.

Anxiously awaiting the torch....

2007-02-22T18:45:00.000-07:00

How bizarre that Shelby has just listed a posting about passing the torch (or the pants as it may be in this case) because this Jersey gal is feeling the need for some of the magic of the pants and I was just about to post a plea for the pants to come my way soon. As you all know, we have found a great new house & are needing to sell our current house in order to move along in the process. Of course we can't do things the easy way & we decide to find a house & attempt to sell a house during the worst time in real estate history (OK so maybe I am exaggerating a bit, but it is getting really annoying that people are walking through our house on a daily basis making comments such as "you have wonderful taste....your decor is beautiful....what a great homemaker you are....this place is fabulous! and not one of those people has made an offer). All the while I was secretly thinking that the house is NOT going to sell until those darn pants are in my possession. We just lowered our price & are having an open house on Saturday so things may be looking up a bit. In the scheme of life, this really is not a big deal, but Brian is beginning to get antsy because our new home happens to have an area that will be the future home of Wynn Surfboards production, and with summer quickly approaching, time is ticking. He needs to have time to set up the factory in time to knock out those orders that are flying in. So our anxiety level is a bit high but I keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason. It is a bizarre process because I love this house that we are in now so much that I think everyone else should too. I remember when I found this house...I came home from San Diego for a weekend to house hunt, my mom & I walked in the front door & I said "I'll take it!" -then I realized that perhaps I should look at the rest of the rooms. Of course that just sealed the deal & we moved in a few months later.

So enough of my babbling here.......all in all things in my life are going well & I really shouldn't be complaining. I guess all I am saying is that I could use a good dose of the pants right about now & look forward to their arrival. I will post again when we have an offer! How's that for positive thinking? Liz will be her next week so perhaps that paired with the Jeans will bring good karma our way. Love to all of you gals....

Passing the Torch

2007-02-22T10:43:00.000-07:00

Hello fabulous women!

The pants have left my possession, heading for Miss. It was with a bit of sadness that I relunctantly let them go this morning.

When I look back, there really has been a shift in my healing this month and I think it has everything to do with the pants (and all of you!). My good days outnumber my bad now and I have this almost erry self-confidence that feels deep and unwavering.

I am a brilliant, sensual, bewitching Greek goddess! There is no stopping me...

Shelby

Valentine's Day is for Sucks!

2007-02-14T22:26:00.000-07:00

How many chocolate hearts dipped in peanut butter can one woman eat in a sitting??? Five...fifteen...twenty-two? It is my job to find out tonight.

Ok...so my date was not so great. I think it might be ok at first, but he proceeded to do nothing but talk about himself and the few times he did pause long enough to ask me a question, he seemed bored and turned the conversation to him, all the while downing about 4 beers and 2 double whiskey and cokes, which I paid for, since I had asked him out. So I drive home, talk to my soon to be ex-husband about my shitty date and then proceed to drunk phone Josh to tell him about the sad state of the shallow dating pool...to his voice mail, mind you. Not a proud moment for me! I think I am losing it. I am so very lonely sometimes. Can't I just find a nice, normal guy to hang out with and maybe get a little action now and then? I am not asking for a long-term commitment. I think I might be over my myspace addiction.

Ok...I might be asking for some real pants magic.

2007-02-11T21:10:00.000-07:00

Have you all watched the movie Pay It Forward? Ever since I watched it years ago, I've wanted a way to incorporate this idea into the curriculum. Without feeling forced or cheesy, I just couldn't find an authentic place for it. ...Until this year. I teach Brave New World ever year with my seniors (if you haven't read it, it's an interesting satire of the future---frightenly closer to today than we want to admit), and I get done teaching it and want my students to feel less disillusioned than we all do. I saw this video about a violinist in China who stumbled across a site about how much it costs to buy a water buffalo. After some research, he found a way for 2 Americans to purchase a water buffalo and deliver it to a family. Watch the video; it's wonderful! I decided to ask my seniors what their Water Buffalo is going to be...before they graduate? What goodness can they create in the world? So we are off on a pay-it-forward quest.

Visit the wiki I've created for this and look at the videos (2 on the 1st page) and the brainstorming page. Add to the resources if you know of some great foundation sites. Do a couple and see if we can create a little magic in a small way for someone who leasts expects it.

Off to find my inner bitch...

2007-02-08T14:15:00.000-07:00

Hello ladies!

I am leaving this afternoon for San Diego to explore my shadows. Not really sure what them means entirely, but it must be a good thing?! I hope you all recognize me when I return. I might be so in touch with all of the dark sides of me that no one will like me anymore. I guess that is the chance I am willing to take. Wish me luck!

Love you all!
Shelby

Chante Souvent du Verde (Sing Often of Green)

2007-02-05T21:28:00.000-07:00

I am colored…light blue and faded into pink; a sunset seems to grown from the skyline. I am this mystery, a mix of hues. Emotions squeezed from an ominous, grey-black cloud, I remember the day I became the oak tree struck by lightning. I wanted a light blue, cloudless sky overhead.

I was not Michele, pretty and pink, I was now tough, charred, and angry. Age 25, 3 teenagers nested in my branches. Knots knarled and branched wanted to remain winter: brittle and lifeless. I fight to keep cold the ground of my life. But spring came and green grew. At times I feel a termite, decaying to the core; but through it all I remain myself: strong for the battle. Wood can fight fire when wet with tears.

I scream with anger—my 1 child dead.
I pound the soil wanting answers.
I search the sky for signs of life.
Black soars and circles-----not the life I wanted to appear.
I sing to forget.
I smile to breathe in happiness.
…It works and my grey gloom lifts; fog blankets the earth and light blue again colors me.

Nature provides my sanity—it’s my life’s shelf. My roots are colored green, deep, South Dakota born breathed with pine’s purpose. I stand tall now in winter with my needled branches providing protection and comfort. Now that I’ve found roots on Briarwood Ave., Colorado blue spruce is the perch I’ll settle upon. I am the mosaic Bonjour on my front door, dreaming of vacations never spent; its letters as blue as the Seine River. I’ll stand on those shores some day and feel light blue upon my toes.

I sing to soothe.
I sleep to revive.
I laugh to show love.
I love, I love, I love.

Ceramic, smooth to touch, Grandma’s Lincoln red roses, dahlias, and four o’clocks bloom on the vase of my life. Her Catholic mantra fills in the cracks of my vase, “God won’t give you more than you can handle.” I’ve had to repeat this day in and day out at times—my vessel must hold more water than it seems. Its made for enjoyment, yet is wrecked easily; I’m colored bold as orange ice cream and white as this paper. Pen stains it and I live for its drawings. Letters create the words I live by; the alpha and omega and the budding spring---they teach me. Summer’s schnook wind whispers solace, fall brings fireworks, and my winter is now snowmen in scarves.

…For now, my skies will have a hint of light blue.

What are you colored, girls?

(This was inspired by Zola Hurst Neale's essay "How it Feels to Be Colored Me.")

MySpace - it's not just for teens

2007-02-05T09:11:00.000-07:00

I am publishing this really as more of a confession because at some point Shelby and I might need an intervention. When my 40 year old sister was visiting I noticed she had a MySpace page and I proceeded to tease her and ask her what the heck she was doing on that juvenile site. I am eating my words now...

The only real issue is that you become a little obsessed with your "Space". Shelby and I are talking several times a day as we complete and refine our profiles. Not to mention how we are trying to figure out exactly what the MySpace "dating" etiquette is. I now find that the first thing I do in the morning is check my space and it's the last thing I do at night. Do I have a problem?

So perhaps this really is for teenagers because Shelby and I both agree we feel like we are in high school again and have that innocent rush you get from having cute boys interested in you. The only difference is you have to be a lot more creative than we had to be in high school. Back then you just called to hear their voice and then you hung up. We can't do that anymore with *69. On MySpace every move is captured and you know exactly when someone has read your message.

So at some point we might be asking for some help, but for now we are having a lot of fun.

Check out my page too. I am open for critiques as well. www.myspace.com/lgw19.

Checkout my new myspace page...

2007-02-03T17:42:00.000-07:00

Checkout my new myspace page and tell me what you think...

My URLhttp://www.myspace.com/153596193

Can you believe how technologically advanced I am becoming? You have to be to date these days. Who knew???

Adventures at the Dog Park

2007-02-03T10:49:00.000-07:00

So I was talking to Shelby the other day and mentioned that our local Dog Park is a great place to meet people. After all, what is easier than striking up a conversation over canines? Everyone loves to talk about their dogs and conversations can start with"what kind of dog is that?" or "we used to have a...." Most people going to the Dog Park, over by our place, are working folks who realize that they need to let the dog get out and socialize after being couped up all day. I've met a few fellow telecommuters who head down in between conference calls during the mid-day. For whatever reason, they're all pretty cool people. Until yesterday that is. I was at the Dog Park talking to a woman about her Ridgeback puppy (it was gorgeous), when this Rottweiler came strutting over toward us. I had heard about a male Rottweiler who lifts his leg on women at the Dog Park, could this be him? Just as the thought crossed my mind, the woman cautioned me about this dog, apparently she was the target last time they crossed paths. So, I moved out of his way, and he followed me, and I kept moving and he kept following. I looked around to find his owner, and saw Mr. Muscle Man standing about 5 yards away snickering, as his dog tried to pee on me. I gave him a "don't @#!%#& with me" look and he strolled over to redirect his dog. The woman I was standing next to said that she has watched this Jack@#&* laugh in the past when his dog has peed on women; now that's the kind of guy I want to be with. Can you even imagine, short muscle man, with a big grizzly dog, who urinates on women; he must be really wounded! Within a few minutes he decided to take his dog and leave, except that his dog had (what muscle man assumed was) a cramp in his leg and was limping. They managed to make it past the park gates, when his 200 lb Rott laid down and refused to keep walking. So there he was, in all his glory, trying to reason with a dog who didn't have any desire to meet his needs. All I can say is what comes around, goes around!

Am I a Happy Camper?

2007-02-03T09:49:00.000-07:00

Ok gals, I just had to share that I met a friend Stephanie last night for dinner who I haven't seen in a couple of months. Why this is the case when we live 15 minutes away from each other I have no idea. At any rate, she is a friend who I met in San Diego (our hubbies worked together at the surfboard factory there) who is from Jersey & decided to move back the same time we did -how bizarre & the Jeans had nothing to do with it. So, we decide to go to Atlantic City to dinner at Wolfgang Puck's Bistro in the Borgata Casino, only to find out that the restaurant is closed for 2 weeks-just our luck! I might add that 2 times in the past that we have gone out for our "girls night out" the restaurants we chose were closed for random reasons. So we find another place to dine & then decide to stroll around the casino to people watch & to determine which machine to throw our whopping $20 into. I am bored with what I am seeing when out of the blue, I catch out of the corner of my eye the good old Happy Camper nickel slot! I am certain that my night is going to be filled with a fabulous story of winning big. I got the "marshmallow bonus" 2 times & that was about it. The Bear let me down this time. Needless to say, I walked away with $20 less in my wallet, but good memories of my time with you gals in Vegas. Apparently I am some sort of a gambler now? hmmm I will anxiously await my turn to wear the Pants & will head on back to AC to see if my luck will change.

Marriage Proposals and Other Adventures in Internet Dating

2007-02-03T08:38:00.000-07:00

Hey ladies!
So Liesl talked me into setting myself up on myspace.com. I must say, I'm not sure I am going to find any good guys to date, but it certainly is entertaining! In just a couple of days, I was told I am "stunningly beautiful" and got a proposal of marriage. He told me I could "run up his credit cards, cheat on him, and kick his ass", as long as I married him. He even said that if I had a boyfriend, he would let him be the best man. Also, I talked to a firefighter on the phone yesterday...some random guy that was walking by when I was talking to Katie's husband, Neal on the phone about coming by the fire station to show Jarron the trucks (this has NOTHING to do with meeting hot firefighters...I assure you!).
According to my friend Robert, I am going to have to go through this crazy period of frantic dating, but eventually I will settle down. I guess he is probably right and in the meantime, I will have good stories to tell. The power of the pants lives on!

2007-02-02T18:04:00.000-07:00

"I'm bringing sexy back..."

J. Timberlake

If They Could See Me Now...

2007-02-01T21:42:00.000-07:00

I am one of the privileged people that knew Tonia well. Having her as a part of my life from the time I was 11 years old helped me to become the woman that I am today. As I read through all of the entries and see the process that Shelby is going through there is no doubt in my mind that Tonia has a hand in all of this. Yes the pants have "power". They have the power to heal, the power to connect, the power to allow women to realize that we are incredible not because of what a man thinks, but because of what people think (more importantly our good friends).

As far as Tonia goes, I believe that she is guiding Shelby and in turn the rest of us to figure out that she deserves nothing but the best. That she is surrounded by such good friends who care about her so much because she is such a good friend and a good person. It is the hand of Tonia who is intervening, but I believe she has help from several of ourloved ones who are looking out for all of us.

I think we all have the same beliefs. The beliefs that everything happens for a reason, there is a process that we have to go through whenever something tragic or negative happens in our life, and that life is a journey that goes far too quickly. I think we have all been reminded lately that we have to seize the moments to be with our friends and love ones and appreciate them because we don't know how long we will have or how many opportunities we will have.

So, being the accountant and by know means as articulate as all of you, I want to thank you. I want to thank you for taking good care of my friend Shelby (which Tonia would have told you has always been my job), but more importantly I want to thank you for the friendship that we have all developed. I think Tonia (and for me, my grandmother) are taking care of all of us.

Shelby, you do light up the room, but you also have a bunch of shining lights that surround you. That power is never going to dull.

I Light Up the Room!

2007-02-01T11:26:00.000-07:00

First of all, I got asked out by e-mail yesterday! Someone I met casually through my friend Niki and her boyfriend, Sean during happy hour Saturday afternoon. This guy, Scott, told Sean after meeting me "she lit up the room!" That really touched me. I have spent so many months feeling crappy about myself that it was nice for someone to notice that my spirit is coming back. Not sure there is any real "love connection" with this guy, but that comment deserves at least a coffee with him. Who knows?
I really connected with what Miss said about life being too short. That has been my most profound lesson this year and I really believe it has changed me. I just seem to want to experience life more fully than I ever have. My highs seem higher and my lows seem lower and isn't that fabulous?! I really am not afraid of pain anymore. It reminds us that we are alive! Not saying I love it, but it is a wake up call when it happens.
I talked to Court last night and she was up $200!

Life is a Journey, not a Guided Tour

2007-02-01T08:16:00.000-07:00

Well gals...I must say that this blog we have here is a fabulous venue for sharing. The flood of emotions that overcomes me when I read the entries is breathtaking. Whether we are sharing silly memories and moments, or tragic life events, we are still sharing. I agree with Shelby that finding the Jeans is a metaphor for something much larger here. I am convinced that talking (or typing) is a great way to heal (perhaps that is why I chose to be a therapist??) However, I at times struggle with knowing the right things to say. Not sure if any of you other gals have this issue or not,but I have found over the past years that when those close to me share a story, a problem, a concern, I am often tongue-tied & can't seem to find the right words to say. Which brings me to the part about why I am a therapist. Aren't we supposed to always know what to say? Don't we have the ability to make all of the problems go away? Intellectually I know this is not true-we are supposed to be good listeners, guide our "clients" (who most often happen to be friends and family members for me) to make the decisions themselves & be a support. So I have come to learn that it is OK to not always have the right thing to say, but I keep working on it because internally I want to be able to make things "all better" for people I care about.

My dad heard the saying "Life is a Journey, not a Guided tour" years ago and this has been sort of a family motto for us since then. These few words really make you think about things. Sometimes our journey leads us down roads we never would have chosen, sometimes positive, sometimes negative, but I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason. Of course during tragic times, I often question what the "reason" could be....and that is where my faith comes in. I suppose we need to embrace the journey & know that as strong women we can overcome any obstacles in the way. It doesn't hurt to have a pair of magical Jeans to take along...and it certainly doesn't hurt to have fabulous friends to be there with us.

So...as I read about struggles and triumphs, I realize that some of these Journeys are harder than others. Stay Strong gals.
And as a side note, I do believe that Shopping is a stage of grief...whatever it takes to alleviate some of the pain, even if only for a moment, is a good thing.
And to quote a lyric from Glen Phillips (my neverending heart-throb of a musician) "I will not take these things for granted". I think he was on to something here...despite all of the grief and heartache in our lives, it is important to try to find some things to hold onto & not take for granted. Life is short-

Is Shopping a Stage of Grief?

2007-01-31T13:08:00.000-07:00

Ok, Shelby, so you're using the blog for healing...I'll let a little out today as well.

Every since we lost Chloe, I know I went through several of the grieving stages, but I haven't seen the shopping-til-you-drop stage on any grieving list. I think this has been the most therapeutic of all. Red leather chair, great pairs of shoes, jewelry, jewelry, wine, and more wine... Psychologists, what do you think?

But here's what made me think of this:

Driving back from SD this weekend, we stopped in beautiful, wind-blown Chugwater. Carter yells, "Mom, mom!" across the gas station. "Can we get this?" He's holding a magnet in each hand with Chloe on it. Goodness, tears can come fast.

I have such mixed emotions about this. On the one hand, I am so thankful that he thinks about his little sis, but another part...the denial part, just wants to move on without mention of the "event."

We got in the car and he continued, "Mom, if I die, I know at least I'll have my sister to play with. Isn't that great?" Goodness, life can smack you hard at times.

What would the "pants" have to say about this? Lucky to have such a precious son? Lucky to be feeling emotions because it means I'm alive? It's time to quit skipping my depression meds? Or...does this call for another shopping spree? Anyone up for shopping? Ya'know Denver has good shopping, ladies.

What I do know is that grief, regardless what kind of loss it is, is painful and I agree, Shelby, it is amazing how we do travel through the same stages. I guess it's like the pants: sharing experiences, some different, some new, but all just trying to live. Thanks, girls, for being you, sharing your thoughts and emotions. We are all better because of it.

More Deep Thoughts From the Keeper of the Pants

2007-01-30T16:39:00.000-07:00

I keep checking everyday for a new "blog" (I love that word!) and since no one else is writing, I guess I will have to. This has become my healing journal for all the world to see!
I was thinking today about grieving. How strange it is that everyone who grieves the loss of anything seems to go through very predictable stages (even if not in a predictable order or common resolution...I think some people get "stuck")...shock/denial, depression, bargaining, acceptance. Does anyone else find that amazing??? I have always learned about the stages in school, but I don't think I had the life experience to consider how profound this all is.
It is a human experience that everyone shares, as we have, or will, all grieve. Without even really knowing "how" to do it, our souls seem to transform themselves through this process and we are never the same. Nobody teaches us how to go through this process, so how is it that we all just seem to do it? Human beings are amazing that way. We all seem to have this desire and drive to pursue happiness. (Did anyone see that movie??? Great thoughts about our founding fathers and their choice of the word "pursuit". I guess it implies we are always striving for happiness, but may never fully achieve it??? Or maybe it is human nature to keep pursuing growth through love and connection with others???).
I suddenly find myself in this new "stage" of possibilities. I am certain it has everything to do with the pants (which really has become a medifore for something else...something bigger and intangible). I don't spend my time thinking about how to "fix" my marriage anymore, rather, what do I want to do with my life and how do I want to be in the world? So much possibility can come from pain.
So I continue my own little "pursuit of happiness" and wonder where I will end up. And all along, I carry my mother with me. It really is true that those we love never truly leave us. They really are a part of us forever. She has become a silent force that guides me.
I hope in the near future I have something more amusing to share with you, my friends! The adventure in the pants continues...
P.S. Where are my other bloggers??? I know Court is off to Vegas again tomorrow! Maybe she will be lucky enough to run into McDreamy???

Perspective Is a Good Thing

2007-01-29T08:59:00.000-07:00

I just have to say out loud in front of everyone...

Michele Davis rocks!

She gave me a healthy dose of perspective last night and it made all the difference. I realize this morning I am a kind, beautiful, smart, sexy and desirable woman and anyone would be lucky to hang out with me!

Various Photos of Hot Women!

2007-01-28T08:17:00.000-07:00

McDreamy or McDuddy??? And Does it Matter?

2007-01-28T07:53:00.000-07:00

Ok...so I am starting to think the magic of the pants is more mysterious than I previously realized. I am thinking they provide you with what you need, but sometimes it takes awhile for the "what you need" to be revealed to you. Why do I say that? Well, McDreamy doesn't seem too interested in me, which could initially seem to be a bummer, but nonetheless, I think the pants know what is suppose to happen for me and perhaps McDreamy isn't in the cards...or at least not right now. I am letting go of that to the universe and to the pants.
I texted him a few times this week and he does respond quickly, but never any initiation on his part. I am officially done initiating unless he does a little himself. If I learned nothing else from my previous relationship, I did learn that I need to stop working so hard. When I work so hard, it makes it so the other party doesn't have to do anything. Is this the lesson the pants are trying to tell me? I think...maybe.
If I look deeper at myself, I think it has, in the past, been a reflection of how I feel about myself. I try to maintain all control in relationships, not allowing others to do for me, maybe because I didn't deep down feel like I deserved it. Also, if you attempt to keep all control, you are really rescuing people and not allowing them to contribute to the relationship and get that kind of pleasure and intimacy out of the relationship. Does that make sense? Really, I think the more I tried to control things, the more I could keep people at an arms length and not experience true intimacy. I don't think I learned how to really be intimate growing up.
Ok...deep (rambling) thoughts with Shelby. Any feedback from my therapist friends???

Pack your Pants...Take Manhattan

2007-01-27T20:36:00.000-07:00

Ok girls...so it is a bitterly cold day here in Jersey & I decide to take a ride to Target to fulifll the weekly need to buy unnecessary items. I am walking down the aisles chatting with my mom about how excited we were to find these magic jeans. She is sharing in our excitement (which is fun since some of the people I have been sharing this with apparently don't see the beauty in it. Of course it helps that my mom just read the book this past summer. ) At any rate, I pass the book section that has a HUGE display of Forever in Blue-the 4th in the series of our Traveling Pants books. Honestly, I didn't even know there was a 4th one until Liz filled me in while we were in Vegas. I was so excited because I have been sucked into these books much like I was to the Judy Blume & Beverly Cleary books of my childhood. Of course, I throw the book into my cart & proceed to the checkout, with a large smile on my face. The thought alone of the 4 of us finding these jeans & looking forward to the journeys ahead for us is so heartwarming. I always tell people that when I first thought about moving to San Diego, I had every intention of going to school & moving right back to NJ and perhaps meeting 1 or 2 people to get along with, but I was certainly not intending to meet true friends. Boy what a pleasant surprise...10 years later in San Diego, with 3 of the best girlfriends one could hope for was surely an uplifting experience for me. Despite the fact that we are now scattered in different states, our bond remains.

So....I get home & see a sticker on the book that says Pack your Pants-Take Manhattan. Visit www.sisterhoodcentral.com to enter the Sisterhood and the City contest. So of course I go to the website and read about the contest. If we come up with 250 words that explain "how will you & your friends remain close even as everyone faces her own experiences?" the 4 of us can go to NYC for the weekend (airfare & hotel included of course-I can drive there, but that is beside the point right now), we can meet the author & we will get a jeans shopping spree. Entries are due by March 12. I must add that all over the website there are numerous references to having a parent/guardian accompany those that are under 18...and the entries go to Random House Children's books. Hmmm are we too old to be reading these books? I think not. I think this story can relate to any aged women who have a strong connection, but it was an interesting discovery nonetheless. So if anyone thinks we should enter this contest, we need to get the creative juices flowing. I'd love to have you gals come East ! Of course we don't need no stinking contest for you gals to come East.....

Signing off for now....until next time. By the way, I wish I had a snazzy name like Lucky Pants Liz....oh well, she wins the prize for creativity. Perhaps she should draft our entry?

The Pants really ARE magic!

2007-01-26T20:12:00.000-07:00

So it's Sunday night in Vegas, Court and I decided to stay an extra night to avoid traffic home. Missy's flight doesn't leave until 10:00pm and everyone else is packed and off to the airport mid-afternoon. So...off to the casino. Over the weekend, we played "our numbers" which hit time and time again...slots were fruitful too, Missy took 1 pull of a penny slot and won $125 off the bat, Court followed with similar results. So we figured, we have the magic of the pants on our side now, we're going home rich! Well, we soon realized that, much to our dismay, that the magic had left the building. We lost, over and over again. Now in Vegas, there are winning times and losing times, but this was all too coincidental. Shelby had left the building, and so had the pants and once we realized that, we headed back up to our room. We didn't go home rich with money, but with a weekend rich with memories. It couldn't have been better...9 girls in Vegas, none with an agenda other than to be with each other and celebrate our friend Shelby. I hear about people who have these wonderful Vegas experiences, but I usually come home with smoke filled clothes and lighter pockets. Not this time, when I got home I realized that I didn't even remember the casinos feeling smoky or feeling "done" with Vegas, I just had an overwhelming feeling of happiness that I spent the weekend in the presence of such great girlfriends. Whether the pants have magic, or it is simply the magic of girlfriend power, it doesn't matter to me...I'm just looking forward to seeing what comes our way next!

It's Raining Men or We Don't Need No Stinkin Men!

2007-01-25T13:35:00.000-07:00

Ahh...the pants! Even if I sit around my house for the next month staring at my beautiful red walls and wondering if "this is all there is???", the pants have already provided me with more inspiration and hope for a new (and improved) life than I could ever imagine!
Day 1: After putting on the pants in a restroom at an outdoor bar (after a very large frozen cocktail, mind you) the magic instantly started. Even by the time I returned to my bar stool, my friends informed me that we had been approached with free passes to one of the best clubs in town. Hum...strange...maybe there really is something to this magic of the pants. I am still skeptical. After all, how many woman are approached in Vegas with free passes to clubs??? Then another attractive man approaches us...more passes to another nightclub. Ok...maybe this isn't just a coincidence. I decide to take a leap of faith and become a believer.
The rest of the afternoon just kept getting better. More looks from cute men and even an intense locking eye stare with a hot Australian in a pink cowgirl hat an boa (I love a man who isn't afraid to express his feminine side!). And just a general feeling of college spring break was in the air and it has been a long time since any of us have experienced that! All because of the pants???
My mood continued to rise, as we primped for the night (I forgot how much fun primping and anticipating a night out can be with a bunch of girls...nothing like it!). Meliss introduced me to my first Beyonce song...Irreplaceable, which quickly became my anthem for female strength. "To the left. To the left. Everything you own in a box to the left." If Beyonce can survive, so can I! (Granted, she does have a lot more money, a more smokin bod, the face of a goddess and an amazing voice, but I am not letting that get me down.)
Then...hilarious cab ride, with Anika doing with she does best! Up the elevator, down the hall, and there is McDreamy! I know Meliss said Joey's older brother was cute, but that had to be the understatement of the year. Thanks to Michele for doing what she does best (being a mother) and making sure I get to sit by the handsome man. I guess you all know the rest, because I cannot stop talking about my amazing night! The pants couldn't have introduced me to a sweeter, kinder, better guy (who, by the way, is ALSO a great dancer, singer, and just downright wonderful!).
So what have I learned from the pants thus far this month...
I think the pants sent me about a million signs that night (maybe with my mother's help, since that is what I asked her to do the day she died???) The most obvious one (if I hadn't noticed all of the more subtle attempts) was the man standing alone in that beautiful Venetian rotunda with frescos painted throughout and covering the ceiling (Ala Michelangelo). I had just had an amazing and passionate goodnight kiss and was floating back to my room. It was as if he was waiting for me. He asks "did you fall in love tonight?" And without missing a beat, I replied, "maybe a little." Maybe I decided that night to love myself a little more???
Other signs that life goes on. Signs that I deserve to find love again (whether is be with McDreamy or some other great guy remains to be seen). but more importantly, the pants showed me who I really am...deep down to my core. Despite what has happened to me, I still am the eternal optimist I have always been. I have never been a victim and I never will be. I still believe in love in the world. Love between a man and a woman that perhaps I have never known. But also, all I have learned this year about the love between true friends. It may sound cheesy, but like the Grinch, I think my heart has grown three sizes this year because of all of you. And that can't change. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks.

A Birthday Wish for Shelby

2007-01-24T23:58:00.000-07:00

What started as a soul-searching weekend in San Diego attending a conference, soon became a girls weekend in Vegas. I asked Shelby if she had found out more information on what we were to learn at our conference and she said that we needed to stay in separate hotels to do some reflection...

"We can handle not talking, right?"

Well...I knew I could, but gosh, if I wanted to take a trip, I wanted to gab, have a few drinks, and really enjoy myself. "So, Shelby, what if we went somewhere else? I've already budgeted the money for January."

"January?! The conference is in February. But, my birthday is in January."

"How does Vegas sound for your birthday? A new start...a focus on you and seeing who you are: beautiful, fun-loving, and certainly loved."

Friends from California, Washington, New Jersey, and even from her home-state Colorado, 9 girls ventured to Vegas to celebrate in style. And, we certainly did: instant friends, gabbing about clothes, kids, and lives, we donned our going-out clothes and hit the town. Tao and Thunder Down Under was a Friday not to forget.

Saturday came and we found the Forum shops, blended drinks under heat lamps outside Caesars Palace, but the most memorable moment came when Shelby received a call from Liz, Courtney, & Missy saying they had found the traveling sisterhood pants. Each different heights: 5'9, 5'6, 5'4, & 5'2---they all could wear the EXACT same pair of pants. And...what came with the pants were magic....Shelby, happy birthday our sweet friend and thank you for sharing it with us!

We decided to log the events, whether crazy wonderful or seemingly uneventful, the girls would log their entries so we could hear of the denim destiny. Shelby, start us out and tell the beginning of your journey...with the pants!